Get Over It!

Dear Dategirl,

I'm 22 years old and have technically been broken up with my girlfriend since February—ironically, on my birthday. We were off and on for a little while after that but never official. She has had two new boyfriends in that time period and always comes back to me when she has issues. We went as much as two months without talking at all. The problem is, I CAN NOT get over this girl. We went out for a year and a half, but it seemed like forever. We went through a lot together, but never had that great of a relationship.

I try everything to not talk to her or contact her, but every time something comes up and we start talking again. Most recently, her boyfriend broke up with her and I was there for her immediately. I know it's pathetic! I asked her to hang out tonight because I had a rough few days, and she told me she couldn't because she had a date. I haven't had a girlfriend since her; however, I have had several sexual partners. And every time I get to thinking about her, even during sex.

I need help getting over this girl. She is terrible for me, and I just can't do it. Please reply!! Thanks!

Chris

Sweet pea, there is nothing "ironic" about getting dumped on your birthday. That's just plain nasty. I've never understood people who choose big, banner days to do their dumping. Many years ago, a friend's husband chose New Year's Eve to announce his plans to divorce her—why? Because New Year's Eve doesn't suck hard enough already? Asshole. It's your birthday—you want cake and prezzies, not the boot. I don't like this girl.

Now let's look at this objectively. You say that a year and a half seemed like forever. At your age, it pretty much is, and that's fine. It's not like you're going to have a few five-year relationships under your belt before you're even able to drink legally. Acknowledge that you spent a long time together, and then put it behind you. You even said yourself that your relationship was never that great.

You have to keep the not-great aspects in the back of your mind at all times. Make a list of all the different ways in which she sucked. Think about how lumpy her ass looked in her favorite pair of jeans. Or the time she

let out a fart while you were going down on her. Recall how stupid she sounded when she mispronounced words like oeuvre.

Then, the next time you feel the doormat urge coming on, call one of those memories to mind. Concentrate on the unattractive way her face pinched up when she yelled at you or the many ways she reminded you of your mom. If you have a super-unflattering photo of her—maybe double-chinned and/or zitty—keep it out of sight, but handy. Use it as a flashcard for when she calls.

Which brings me to my next point: Contrary to what you seem to have convinced yourself, you can get over her. You're a big boy now and just need to strap on your big-boy panties and cut her ass off. Change her name in your cell phone to "Heinous Bitch of Misery," block her on e-mail/IM, and for God's sake, quit calling her. The only way you're going to get over her is to go cold turkey. In a year you won't even remember what she smelled like.

Oh, and quit thinking about her during sex. (Unless it's really bad, smelly sex. In that case, it's OK.) Pinch yourself if you have to, but quit it. Just like you quit picking  your nose in fourth grade, you can choose to quit making yourself miserable over this unworthy wench.

Please work up at least a little bit of anger over your situation. In fact, you might want to try working up a lot of anger, because once you get good and pissed off, you can move on to the final stage of breaking up—indifference. Good luck.

Dating dilemmas? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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