I had been (past tense, she dumped me about three and a half weeks ago) in a relationship with an amazing woman. I am going to skip most of the story here and cut to the chase. I had been being a total butthead in my life the last six months of our relationship. My excuse was I had to have two jobs to make ends meet and, as a result, had very little time and/or spare money. She recently started her master's program, and I was cut out of the picture.
After realizing what I had done and who I had been, I don't really blame her at all for cutting me out. Here is the thing: I realize I love her more than any other women I have dated. I dare say she is the one.
I have told her that I would be willing to spend however long it takes to take her out again, and how it was a profound privilege to date her. She said her answer is no, and most likely would be no in six months as well.
I said I was willing to wait well beyond that to get a yes. She said there are other girls out there who would say yes now. I told her I knew that, but that is not what I wanted.
Now I am in a holding pattern of sorts. I really miss her, and it kills me to not call her and see her. I committed to ask her out forever, and I have no idea what it will take to make that happen.
There is no one else in the world I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I will gladly court her all over again and have made it clear that she is the one for me. I apologized; now how long should I expect before there is action on her part?
I know I am a dunce for having to have this ton of bricks hit me to make all these things happen in my life, and I have learned. How can I make amends for this situation?
Return to Sender in Bothell
Surely you've seen the cinematic masterpiece Dumb and Dumber. Remember how Lloyd, Jim Carrey's character, falls madly in love with Mary, played by Lauren Holly? Of course pretty, demure Mary isn't interested in a goofball like Lloyd, and so midway through the movie, they have the following exchange:
Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me . . . ending up together?
Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance!
See what I mean? You're so Lloyd! (Though I presume a cuter, less goofy version.) This movie cracked me up, so please don't take this comparison as an insult. Like you, Lloyd takes perseverance to a whole new level, which is kind of endearing. But don't be dismayed. Sure, in the end Lloyd loses the girl, but in real life Jim Carrey hooked up with Lauren Holly for several years. But I digress.
My advice to you is to quit beating yourself up, stop waiting around, and move on. You knew I was going to say that, didn't you? This girl has given you absolutely no indication that she's ever going to change her mind, and as much as you'd like the situation to be different, that's where it stands. Furthermore, it doesn't sound like your alleged bad behavior was all that egregious. People get busy, people get broke. The good news is, there are—at least—several dozen "the ones" for any of us. You may not have another hottie in mind right now, but what about next week? You're not going to find her while you're sitting around your apartment, willing the phone to ring.
Still waiting for "the one"? Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.