Dear Dategirl,
My wife is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. But I just found out that maybe she’s a little “too sexy,” if you know what I mean.
The other night, on our first anniversary, we were drinking Champagne. I guess she drank more than she normally does, and we started talking about our pasts. I had been under the impression that we’d each had sex with the same number of partners, give or take a couple. Happy anniversary to me—I soon found out how wrong I was. Not only has she slept with about 100 people, there have been threesomes, swing parties, lesbian experiences…I couldn’t believe it!
She never lied to me about this. However, she would gloss over it when it came up. I was incredibly upset when I found out this new information. She did her best to calm me down, but how am I supposed to trust her? She told me that she’s happy to be in a monogamous relationship, but how can I know she won’t cheat? The fact that she was such a slut really bothers me too. I feel like I don’t know who I’m married to anymore.
—Shocked
You’re married to the same person you always were. What I can’t fathom is why, if this information was so vital, you didn’t get it from her before you walked down the aisle. It doesn’t sound as if she lied—I certainly don’t tell my man about my past exploits (though all it would take is a Google search), nor do I want to hear about his.
I never understand why couples have this talk. All it can bring is trouble. You start off talking numbers, and before you know it, the cock—I mean, cat—is outta the bag and you can’t stuff it back in.
If your wife has never given you any reason to mistrust her, I don’t know why this new revelation would damage your faith in her. If you’d asked her a direct question and she’d lied, then yeah, maybe I can see you being upset—but only over the fibbing part. Don’t you think it’s horribly unfair to hold someone’s past actions against them? It’s not as if she murdered anyone or even committed a series of traffic infractions. She just had a little fun. As long as she didn’t bring any cooties or children into the mix, what she did before you two hooked up is really none of your business.
Now about the word “slut.”
Fuck you.
I realize that’s not very diplomatic, but did she cheat on you? No. Is she schtupping the UPS guy? Not that you mentioned, so I’m going to assume that’s a negative as well.
If anything, you should feel flattered that a woman who’s sampled so many dishes from the booty buffet chose your sorry ass over all the others. If you’re half as priggish and annoying in person as you come across in your letter, I’ll bet she’s rethinking that decision.
I get that your fragile ego took a ding when you discovered her number is bigger than yours, but you need to check yourself. As a former “slut” myself, I’ll tell you something—I have absolutely no problem being monogamous. I have a memory bank brimming with wank material, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go bang some other dude. Because while I had a whole lot of fun, I also remember how devastated I was when I found out someone I loved had been cheating on me. I got my running-around out of my system, and it sounds as though your wife has as well. Now quit being such a dick and count your lucky stars that a non-issue is your only issue.
