Though I’ve done my share of experimenting with drugs, there were two that I would never ever try: acid and ecstasy. Acid because I was afraid it would enable me to actually enjoy the Grateful Dead, and ecstasy simply because it was known as the “hug drug.” While I gladly hug those I love, the idea of wrapping my arms around randoms, or even acquaintances, is something I avoid. I sensed a kindred spirit when I read Dr. Srini Pillay’s dissection of the hug in Psychology Today, “The Art of Hugging.”Dr. Pillay doesn’t come out and say so, but I can tell he’s not a big fan of the random hug either. Pillay breaks the embrace down into a few different categories–my favorite being, “The Tearful Hug:” “When this hug is awkward, it is usually because your tears and nasal secretions are covering the clothes of another person.” There’s also the “Pleased to Meet You, Belly Button” hug that occurs when there’s a huge height disparity between the huggers, and the shrimpier of the pair ends up with their face mashed into the other person’s nipple or bellybutton. My man is a foot taller than me, so this happens every time I go in for a hug if I’m not balanced atop our coffee table or sprawled out on the bed. Although I loved his article, I feel like Dr. Pillay missed three vital types of hug:• The Creepy Uncle Hug. Not always a blood relation, this guy is way too old and enjoying this hug way too much. Also, either going into or coming out of it, he’ll manage to “accidentally” graze either your breast or ass with his grizzled fingers.• The Totally Fake Embrace. This usually occurs among women in groups. You’re never going to like everyone your friends like, and sometimes you outright loathe them. But because everyone else is hugging hello and doling out air kisses, you get peer pressured into doing the same. Luckily these are over with quickly, and women that concerned with appearances are well-groomed, so at least there’s not the BO factor to contend with. • The Humpy Hug. Usually executed by highly inebriated couples who drunkenly believe they’re hiding their covert, frantic genital gnashings under the cover of an innocent hug, or by exhibitionists who (like most nudists and swingers), are generally the last people on the planet you’d care to witness getting their hump on.