While you make some decent points about dual PMS, I’ve got to take exception to your advice to Tom, who wants to marry two bisexual women [Dategirl, July 9]. I’ve been married to my primary partner for 12 years, and while we’ve seen lovers come and go, we’ve always wanted at least one more partner. We’re currently involved in a triad, and though the relationship is too new to know where we’re going with it, we seem pretty balanced. Now if we could just find a nice bi man to add to the mix.
Relationships are always in some kind of flux, but if the basics are there, you learn to work through the conflicts and jealousies. The payoff really is kind of exponential. The problems can be as well, but then you have three heads working together to solve them. Granted, a balanced triad is not something to be found on every street corner, but it’s not as rare as one might think. It’s doable, and worth the effort, if you want it.
The Seattle poly community is filled with triads and larger group marriages that have been together for five, 10 years and are still going strong. One triad that I’ve met has been together 26 years.
So if Tom is serious about his fantasy, I’d tell him to do a Web search on Seattle Polyamory and come to any of several events going on during the month. One thing you’re certainly right about is that the reality is different than the fantasy. The cool thing is that with the right people and the right commitment, it’s better.
Happy Polyboy
Happy, your letter perfectly illustrates my problem with you swinger typesyou take something perfectly lascivious and perverse and squeeze every drop of fun out of it. Look at the vocabulary you use. Triads? Primary partner? Snore! You’re fucking two broads and looking for another guy to bring into the mix so you can all bang the hell outta each other, yet your letter reads like you’re describing your accounting job at some Midwestern hubcap factory.
I’m betting this whole “triad” nonsense involves a lot of heartfelt discussion about “boundaries” over herbal tea and wheat-gluten stir-fry. Who has the patience (or stomach) for that? Gimme a burger, a beer, and a hot piece of ass (one’s enough, thanks!) who speaks in complete sentences and knows how to laugh, and I’m a happy girl.
Can I be a liberal nazi (not a fan of holocaust, etc.) and still be accepted in this multicultural, PC-obsessed fascist city I live in, or shall I keep quiet and let all the white people disappear and be forever on my own?
Joe
I get letters from trolls trying to wind me up all the time, but usually they finesse it better by sticking to the topic at hand. So why don’t you come up with a better question . . . like, say, “How can a fine racist gentleman like myself find a nice white- supremacist girl to settle down with?” Whoo boy, that’d set me off. Dear Abby and her zany frat boys got nothin’ on my freaks.
I am in my mid-30s, with children and my one and only wife. She is a workaholic. Twice she came home early in the morning. I’ve been wondering if she’s having an illicit affair. I’ve noticed one signcoldness in sex. Thrice or twice, I’ve asked her to make love with me but she told me that she was very tired.
Would you mind giving me some advice or tips on how to catch her if she’s really doing something bad?
Innocent Man
I once interviewed a private investigator who made his living checking up on suspected cheaters. According to him, women were always right when they thought their husbands were cheating, but men were only right half the time. Theredon’t you feel better already? If your wife has kids and a high-pressure job, being too tired for sex isn’t strange. And she’s only turned you down whatthrice? Judging from the mail I get, you’re doing pretty good.
Feeling bad? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.
