I’ve been dipping back into the dating pool over the last year and posting some online personals. (I’m 43 and was divorced two years ago.) Something I’ve started noticing more and more is that guys are listing tattoos, piercings, and “body art” in general as turnoffs or even deal breakers.

I’m not sure I’d want to date a guy who could go naked and be (almost) mistaken for clothed, but I don’t prejudge all body art. I got my three tattoos and nose stud to commemorate significant events, and they’re all fairly discreet. But during my divorce, my ex had the nerve to say that my getting a tattoo when he asked me not to meant that I didn’t really love him. I got the nose stud he hated the mere idea of the day our divorce was final. (I’d wanted one for years.) What is up with these guys?

Eccentric in Spanaway

What is up with these guys is that they know what they want. Nothing wrong with that. Wouldn’t you rather know from jump that a potential Special Naked Friend is going to find the frog etched above your asscrack wildly offensive? I would. Why waste anybody’s time?

I’ve had a pierced nose, one of my ears had 10 piercings, and I have two tattoos. As far as I know, nobody’s ever rejected me because of them. Hell, I had a foot-high mohawk and I got laid. However, I wasn’t looking to date investment bankers or ministers. (While every once in a while I’d get hit on by one, I suspect that was strictly for novelty purposes.)

Even though my fairly minor body mods never cost me any lovin’, I have been rejected for plenty of other reasons. I’d list them, but I’m already in a bad mood, and really, who cares?

Maybe you do. So I’ll tell you what types I avoid: Republicans, police officers, the religious (don’t care which deity they’re worshipping—churchies go bye-bye); more often than not I avoid redheads, and I’m not terribly fond of excessive freckling. I’m not saying my turnoffs are particularly fair or remotely enlightened or even uniformly enforced, but they do exist. Those who deny their dislikes often find themselves in uncomfortable situations.

People rule out other people for all kinds of reasons. Some won’t date outside their race or religion. Others want partners who are skinnier or taller or smarter or dumber. A better question is why would you bother with someone who finds something about you repulsive? There are plenty of guys out there who won’t care about the unicorn between your boobies or the ring in your nose. I dare say, there are some that will find these things irresistible because they’re attached to you.

I have been out of the dating scene for quite a while, having been in a long relationship and then busy raising my son. Now that I have the time and really want to find a new lover and friend, I am somewhat scared because I have genital herpes (which rarely bothers me). I am not sure about when I should be telling a potential mate this news— I know I need to tell him before sex, but how soon, so that he doesn’t feel like I’ve kept something from him?

When to Tell?

First, I want you to talk to your doc and educate yourself (if you haven’t already done so). As you probably know, herpes can be spread even when you’re not having an outbreak. But it’s also possible to fuck like monkeys without anyone passing along their cooties. You just have to be very careful.

Second, you should realize that herpes is unbelievably common. Something like one in four people have some variation of it, so don’t feel like a freak. You are far from alone.

But you’re asking about timing. Obviously, the telling should be done before any clothes come off. See, once men are positive they’re getting some, all the blood that’s previously occupied the brain goes rushing down to their dick and they’ll agree to just about anything. So before you’re naked, but after you’re absolutely certain you want to fuck him.

You’re not alone: Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.