Hi Dategirl,

I’m kind of a hopeless romantic, but I have a problem with emotional intimacy. I think it has something to do with not finding the right person to be able to show all of myself to. Also it seems to me that the girls I’m intellectually attracted to, I am never physically attracted to. Those I am physically attracted to never satisfy my intellectual musings. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not physically attracted to Barbie doll girls or anorexic women—in fact I like them with a little meat on their bones. I’m more into the entire package, looks-wise. So my question is, am I too picky? I don’t believe I should settle for anything less than my dream girl; however, is it all just a dream? Too many Cary Grant movies? Too many years dreaming of my own intellectual Audrey Hepburn?

Looking for Ms. Right

Dear Looking,

My friend Travis always swore up and down that he could never fall in love with any woman who didn’t have light eyes and red hair and who was of other than Irish or English descent. The woman he’s marrying in two weeks has brown eyes, brown hair, and was born and raised in Brazil. I once fell in love with a man who actually had a rat tail (the hair Don’t, not the rodent extremity)! While my preferences run toward tall and dark, my last was pint-sized and blond (though of the bottle variety). What I’m saying is that you can have all the criteria for Ms. Right jotted down in your Palm VII, but that all goes out the window once you happen upon someone whose pheromones collide with yours in a way that makes your knees go weak and your tummy go flippity flop bop bop.

This doesn’t always happen right off the bat, though. The best and most long-lasting relationships are based in friendship. Of course you have to be attracted to the other person, but sometimes that takes a while to develop. Love at first sight is a misnomer—that’s usually just lust. Not to say lovely things can’t come of that, but love takes a little while. So be patient with these girls who cause you to flex your brain; if you’re lucky, eventually other parts might get a little stimulation out of the deal as well.

That’s not to say you should rush into anything with these smarty-pants girls. Just remain open to it and see what happens. Lots of people get caught up in this whole idea of some dream person coming along and sweeping them off their feet. Not to be unromantic, but a dream is just that—something that happens in your mind. The cool thing about meeting someone in the real world is that they do things your mind never could’ve predicted. Though he ended up being cruel, I stuck it out too long with my last boyfriend because the way his brain worked intrigued me to no end. He would say and do things that never failed to amaze me—for instance, he would spend hours drawing plans for sand castle villages, and then go off and build them. He would drag me all over town just to show me the remnants of a deco ceiling in some run-down pizza parlor. . . .

So instead of worrying about a dream girl, I would concentrate on reality. Don’t sweat finding your true love. Just be a good boy and I’m sure she’ll come tripping along any day.

OK, I realize that this is incredibly sappy (unlike my usual hard-ass advice), but the combination of being premenstrual and pre-birthday is more than I can bear! Stop me before I start watching Lifetime!

Dear Dategirl,

I have a friend (guy) that likes to say that we’re “boyfriend/girlfriend.” We’ve known each other for about a year. He knows my family, but I don’t know his. I’ve never met anyone close to him and he thinks that I’m supposed to trust him.

Should I?

Secret Sandy

Dear, sweet Secret Sandy,

No, you should definitely not trust this man. The fact that you’ve never met anyone close to him could mean several different things:

1) He’s married.

2) He’s embarrassed to be seen with you.

3) He’s such a loser, he doesn’t have any friends to introduce you to.

4) He’s gay and his friends and family know this, but he’s trying not to be. However, he knows if he introduces you to them, then you’ll know too and he’ll have to admit it to himself.

5) He is a space alien sent down to spy on the human race.

You will note that none of these scenarios are remotely good, Sandy.

Free sap! Write dategirl@seattleweekly.com or Dategirl, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.