Austin, Texas has all the sexy news this week. First, they were dubbed the country’s sexiest city by Men’s Health, using the dubious gauge of the ratios of “birth rates, condom sales, rate of sexually transmitted diseases and sales of sex toys.” One question—if they’re purchasing so many rubbers, how come they’re birthing so many babies and diseases? Sorry, Austin—weeping sores and bawling brats definitely does not bring the sexy. To prove how wrong Men’s Health is, the third sexiest city was Columbus, OH, which is also a leader in bedbug infestation. I don’t care if we’re calling bedbugs the “new STD”—not sexy! Harumph. The other groundbreaking story out of the Lone Star State this week is that scientists at the University of Texas, Austin, determined that when men are looking for a quick fling, they’ll take a bangin’ bod over a pretty face any day. Intelligence and wit weren’t even a blip on their radar. Gentlemen, I’m both shocked and saddened. It was only when confronted with the reality of having to look at her everyday—i.e., searching for wifey material—did what was going on above the neck come into play. According to the Telegraph:The report said: “Results revealed men removed the body box more frequently in the short-term mating condition than in the long-term mating condition, suggesting men have a condition-dependent tendency to prioritise facial cues in long-term mating contexts, but shift their priorities to bodily cues in short-term mating contexts. Women, as the keepers of virtue (snort), preferred to check out a man’s face whether they were considering a short-term liaison or husband hunting. The scientists came up with all these theories of reproductive value to explain these findings, but the fact is, we ladies can usually tell if a guy is morbidly obese or relatively normal-sized from headshots. And whatever—as long as he’s not freakishly one way or the other, a handsome face will naturally be the determining factor. But what you can’t tell from a photo of a woman’s face is whether she’s rocking a nice set of boobies and a booty. And if you’re going to have a fling, wouldn’t you prefer Kim Kardashian even if she were cursed with a butterface? I would and I don’t even go that way.