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This Week’s Horoscopes
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22) What makes you happy? I’m worried that you’ve forgotten three-quarters of a once quite-extensive…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22) Any efficient leader has to be somewhat single-minded, and, to some extent, insensitive and…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) I bet we’d be shocked at what percentage of people have totaled a car…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) You’re like a teenage mom. Here’s an unexpected baby, demanding time, attention, and nurture,…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) Miners used to carry canaries into coal mines. Since the birds were more sensitive…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) Cockiness doesn’t suit you. An exuberant Aries or a steel-tempered Scorpio can get away…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22) Change is always alarming, and I’m sure it’d be a little freaky to wake…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Extreme diets generally don’t work. Making choices like beer vs. cake are usually more…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Ask a Taurus to kick it into high gear and you’ll notice a slight…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Worse than cheating in general is trying to cheat, still losing, and then getting…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) It’s good that you’re willing to experiment, to try something new or a new…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Cancer (June 21–July 22) People are moody. You of all people should understand that and cut everyone some…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Cancer (June 21–July 22) Being a good person—even a saintly one—doesn’t exempt you from unjust bullshit. Things happen…
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Sign Language
Cancer (June 21–July 22) Never underestimate anyone’s capacity to self-delude. Many people expertly rewrite reality in their own…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Cancer (June 21–July 22) While it might feel unkind to deprive your fat dog of food or tell…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Gemini (May 21–June 20) Here you go. What do you mean, “What is it?” It’s an invisible jet,…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Gemini (May 21–June 20) A friend of mine recently described someone we know as “a killjoy.” I hadn’t…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Gemini (May 21–June 20) Self-imposed limits or restrictions are rarely as strict or immutable as people publicly pretend.…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Gemini (May 21–June 20) Imagine you got stranded in the deep wilderness with your least-favorite person. Despite your…
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This Week’s Horoscopes
Taurus (April 20–May 20) Greed is a tricky thing. Very few people are truly immune to its temptations,…