Dear Uptight Seattleite,
Would I “prefer” a tunnel? And would I “prefer” a viaduct rebuild? How could I possibly prefer both? You know what I would actually prefer is that we not waste our money with this incoherent and expensive “advisory” vote.
Exasperated Elector
Dear Exasperated,
I hope you won’t be offended by this observation, which I offer purely in the spirit of respecting each otherness: You have a pretty negative way of looking at it. As a no-yes man, I welcome the chance to join my voice with the voices of the yes-no contingent to form a great civic yin-yang symbol of balanced opposites. Upward dog and inverted plow, if you will.
Then there are the yes-yes folks, with their irrepressible enthusiasm. Do they prefer a tunnel? Yes! Do they prefer a rebuild? Yes! They bring a sunny light of optimism that shines brighter than logic itself. And finally, we have to give a special “shout out” to my grumpy no-no homegirls and homeboys. We know you think it’s all bad, no-nos, and that’s OK! You bring your own special magic to the mix. The dark side, Jung’s shadow self—you remind us of all that, as you “speak truth ta’ powah” as only you can. You go! Don’t stop being you!
So you see, Exasperated, what you should really do is try to look at the vote as a unique venue for people with different views to continue our wonderfully open-ended and inconclusive discussion of transportation issues.
Dear Uptight Seattleite,
My question is, if everyone here seems to be a transplant, are all these transplants just complaining about each other? Everyone always says it is so rare to meet a real live native, so is it really “true Seattleites” that are so bad? Were you born here?
Curious
Dear Curious,
What is that horrible droning frombeyond the mountains, getting closerand closer? A plague of angry seagulls?An army of torch-wielding bigots? Oh, wait, never mind, I’m sure you already recognize it. That’s right, it’s the whining of newcomers. “Seattle is sooo unfriendly! Wah!” I’m just ribbing you, Curious. Really, there’s nothing wrong with transplants. Except they all brought their cars with them, and, well, over to you, Harmon Shay, on what that led to. In any case, there certainly isn’t some sort of class system based on how long anyone’s been here. Even if there were, I wouldn’t want to be part of it. I consider myself to be verycompassionate toward newcomers. I fully believe in everyone’s ability to “get it” eventually. Let’s just say I’ve been here a long time. A really long time. I’d slap my length of time in Seattle up on the table next to anyone else’s. Pretty much. Why? Are you from here?
Dear Uptight Seattleite,
I was riding home from work last night on the 44, uncomfortably sitting next to someone (I have long legs and the bus was full), until a seat opened up a few rows in front of me. I always feel strange leaving my fellow bus rider midtrip for an empty seat, but I also feel that it’s in both of our best interests to have more room. What is proper bus-riding etiquette? Should I sit in my original seat for the entire trip, reassuring my next-seat neighbor that I don’t mind sharing space with her or him, or move to a new one as the bus starts to empty out so that both of us can ride comfortably in solitude?
Seeking Comfort
Dear Seeking,
Hang on, let me get my steno pad. The calculus of Metro seat selection is a delicate science, one whose problems cannot be solved without a complete set of data. Was there more than that one seat open? Morning commute or evening? Are you male or female? What about the person next you? Who chose to sit next to whom?
If you are a man, and a woman choses to sit next to you, forget about your numb legs and simply consider yourself fortunate. When I ride the bus, I smile in a warm but vague manner at women coming down the aisle, my North Face backpack on my knees, in the hope that one will appreciate me making my seat a nonthreatening choice. A safe haven, if you will, in a world that seeks to objectify her. Am I being overeager? If I want a woman to sit next to me, maybe I should stare thoughtfully out the window instead of smiling at her. Slump a little. Be casual. I could even let my backpack encroach a little on the open seat, so I have to move it if she starts to sit down. Like I don’t really care if she sits down or not. Or make a show of my New Yorker, so she knows I’m not some ignorant salesman type who’s going to hit on her or something. Because I do want somehow to make it clear that, if she does choose to sit next to me, I won’t violate her trust by talking to her.
Have a question for the Uptight Seattleite? Send it to uptight@seattleweekly.com.
