This Week’s Horoscopes

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

You can’t really get mad when a puppy chews up your shoes, your kid wets the bed, or an Aries steps on your toes. None of them means anything by it; they might not even quite grasp that their behavior is undesirable. Since you’re likely to experience one or all of these situations, and more like them, make sure you’re at your most patient this week. While it’s perfectly OK to clearly communicate that this is behavior you’d rather see stop, losing your temper won’t help the situation. You’re known for your amazing discipline. This week, exercise it on yourself, even while you share it with those who need a bit more of it.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Under other circumstances, speaking your mind would be the thing to do, but this particular scenario requires that you keep your piehole shut. Being brash and outspoken is certainly still an option, but exercising it will have the primary effect of getting you kicked out, not heard. I know you’re used to using your brilliant silver tongue to get your way most of the time, but right now you’d be better served by finding other, subtler ways to get your point across. It’s possible to get the boat to change course completely without rocking it or making waves. This week, you get to figure out how.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

What you’re up to now is roughly the equivalent of wearing your favorite outfit, to the exclusion of all else, until it falls off in rags. I know you love that particular shirt with those pants, and you’re convinced you look better in them than in anything else you own, but you’re actually ruining them by spending so much time in them. You might be right about how great that combo is, but you’re stupid to squander it. Stretch it out. Mix things up, and save the good stuff for more special occasions.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

This week you are a frustrated circus poodle. Every flaming hoop you leap through is succeeded by two more. It’s dismaying, I know, especially because you thought this sideshow would be over by now. Instead, there’s no end in sight. It’s there, though; you just can’t see it yet. Luckily I’m here to cheer you on, and crack the whip if necessary. The only way out is through, and then through again. There’s still a few more flaming circles to hop through, to be sure, but keep leaping—the last hoop is just up ahead.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

When your car breaks down on the side of the road, you’re practically obligated to pop the hood and check things out, even though you know that there’s not much point, since it’s extremely unlikely you’d have the parts or the experience to repair it. This situation is similar. You know that your ability to diagnose, let alone fix, the problem is very limited. Nevertheless, it’ll make everyone feel better if you try anyway. Your helplessness doesn’t let you off the hook. Do your best to address the issue at hand. Ignoring it would not only be tacky, it’d almost be criminal.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

If you woke up tomorrow blind and deaf, how much of your life would you lose? I don’t mean which activities you’d have to cut out; it’s obvious that some things, like driving, would have to go. I mean how much of your life would you lose to mourning and feeling sorry for yourself? There’s a difference between experiencing your natural emotions and wallowing in them. There’s no need to marinate in your misery if you lose something you’d always taken for granted. Feel sad, then move on. Show us just how resilient you can be.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

It’s overcast and unseasonably warm as I write this. The clouds have trapped in all the warmth. Your mood is overcast too, with a certain situation blanketing your internal sky with gray and keeping you from releasing the sultry heat of some negative emotions. You can’t do anything about the weather, but luckily you have much more influence over your own emotions. I’m guessing you know what it’ll take to cause a bit of blue to crack through all that gray and let the sunshine in, and let all those feelings you’re stewing in vent out to space. Given the situations you’re about to find yourself in, I’d rather you not subject yourself to severe, rapid global warming. In other words, do what you’ve got to do to keep it cool the next couple weeks.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

Are people more likely to get into sketchy situations if they’re confident they can get themselves out of them? If you know you have a gun in your pocket, are you more apt to go walking in a shady neighborhood at night, rather than taking the longer, safer route home? No one has more confidence than you—and thus no one is more likely to get into trouble because of it. This week, take it easy and play it safe. Just because you have the tools to handle trouble doesn’t mean you need to frolic blithely into it.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Some people can use their minds to do amazing things, like resist intense cold or go without sleep. I believe we frequently underestimate the power of our wills. However, it’s important to know our limits. You can’t go walking barefoot in the snow without repercussions just because you want to. I truly believe you can do anything you set your mind to, but only if you properly prepare yourself first. Leaping without looking is not only counter to your style and instincts, it’s likely to get you into trouble. Since there’ll be plenty of people egging you on to do just that, I thought I’d throw in my two cents. Go where they want you to, if you’re into it—but exercise that powerful will, and only go there in your own time and your own way.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

I once got stuck in a precarious rock-climbing situation. I knew that if I could keep my cool, I’d be fine, but if I freaked out or panicked, I could die, or at least suffer serious injury. I’d never before had such a tangible, concrete connection between my fear and its negative impact on my life. Obviously, I managed to keep it together, and the lesson stuck with me. Fear, my dear, is your worst enemy, much worse than any of the stuff you’re actually threatened with. It’s likely to make virtually any situation you find yourself in much worse. And if you learn how to tackle even complex tangles with humor and aplomb instead of terror and panic, you’re likely to make them that much easier to deal with.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

What would you do if you discovered that all the moments you’d thought were private this past year weren’t? Let’s imagine they’d been broadcast to the Internet, so every argument, intimate encounter, and contemplative nose-picking session had potentially been witnessed. You’d be angry, right? What if the process had also made you famous and/or wealthy? Only you know what complex melange of emotions this kind of thing would inflict upon you. Since something like this (though probably much less extreme) is about to be revealed, you’ll be able to figure out exactly how you feel about it, very soon.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

A brick building doesn’t go up all at once, but gradually, piece by piece. You might be able to build and raise a wooden barn in a matter of hours, but in order to have something as solid and long-lasting as the structure you want, you’ve got to put in the time. This isn’t something you’re used to. But since what you’re building is the equivalent of a tower that’ll let you reach new heights and see farther and more clearly than you ever have, I highly recommend making sure it isn’t something that’ll come tumbling down in a stiff breeze. That means being patient and painstakingly careful. It might not come naturally to you, but you can do it—and should.