THE NEWEST STAR in the Net portal competition is a site called Ask Jeeves, which allows users to search the Web for information by asking, in “natural” language, what they want to know. Then the site offers a link to where you can get your answer. If Jeeves doesn’t recognize your exact question, he will match it up to the closest one in his repertoire.

For an admiring article that appeared in The Wall Street Journal recently, the company provided “the most frequently asked” questions put to the site. These sounded suspiciously like questions that would most appeal to potential advertisers: “Where can I purchase a laptop?” “Where can I find cheap plane tickets?” (Like other search engines, Ask Jeeves sells advertising banners that are pegged to certain keywords, and it sells advertisers the reply space to questions that are specifically shopping-related.)

We decided to put Jeeves to the test.

I asked: “Where should I spend all my money?” Jeeves took this to mean, “What is the opportunity cost if you withdraw money from your 401(k) now?” and took me to Retirement QuickAnswers, on Intuit’s Quicken.com.

I asked: “Can I get a wake-up call via the Internet?” Jeeves took this question to mean, “Where can I find a dictionary of Internet acronyms?” and took me to an AOL Members site.

I asked Jeeves: “Is my wife sleeping with another man?” Jeeves took this to mean, “Where can I learn about sleep?” and sent me to a page on the Basics of Sleep Behavior from the UCLA Medical School.

I asked Jeeves: “How funny am I? As a writer, I mean?” Jeeves took this to mean, “Where can I find the definition of a word?” and sent me to his own dictionary page.

Jeeves may be a bit confused, but I will say this for him: He understands that with humor, it all depends on how you define it.