On Monday, King 5 ran a lifestyles piece about a fun new drug that’s hit the smoke shop market: Kratom.Billing it as the next big thing to hit the over-the-counter market since bath salts took America’s face off, King 5 had a stern message for parents: don’t get caught looking like a square in front of you kids when you ask them what Kratom is.For those of you who missed the segment – we think it aired in that slot between sports and one last look at the weather – Kratom is a tree indigenous to Southeast Asia whose leaves are reported to give users stimulating and euphoric sensations when eaten. It’s also considered addictive/illegal in Thailand yakity yakity.But how much of this is all TV hype? We headed over to the friendly people at Pipe Place Smoke Shop (well, sort of friendly … the clerk managed to tell me one of her competitors was an asshole in the, like, .5 minutes I was there) to find out.My learned conclusion: this shit is gonna get banned.I bought a tea bag made by Kratom Infusion, which instructs people steep the tea in hot water for 2 minutes for a “light” tea and up to 12 minutes for the full effect. My friendly clerk, who I must say earned some cred with her shit talking, told me I should be careful and stick to 2 minutes. I followed her instructions.Sitting down to Gore Vidal’s 1876 and sipping on the tasteless tea, the first effect I noticed was that my tongue was going numb. Then I noticed my neck was getting stiff. Then I felt like I wanted eat a face! Just kidding. Over the evening, a light euphoria definitely set in, to the point that I was happy I only let the stuff steep for 2 minutes. It certainly has psychotropic effects. It also gives you cotton mouth. And at this point my back is stiffening up, too.Which is why I think it’s only a matter of time before the government steps in and yanks this one from the shelves. The DEA already has a fact sheet on the stuff that is certainly biased against Kratom. Like a feature on that hidden lodge in the Cascades, King 5 may have killed the thing it just wanted to celebrate. Oh well. Get it while you can. And if you snort it, let me know how that goes for you.