As you can imagine, while we sometimes receive albums we actually want in the mail (Middle Cyclone, where ARE you?), most of the CDs we get run the gamut from downright awful to utterly bizarre. So today, because it’s Monday and we could all use a lift, I bring you one of the most hilariously vulgar album packages I’ve ever come across in my (admittedly brief) tenure as a music journalist: Turd Helmet’s Greatest (s)Hits. Aside from going public with my disgusting, ten-year-old boy sense of humor, I post this because it’s so deliciously over the top. You can see the back cover– and find out what the album says to you when you open it– after the jump.I hope you weren’t eating. If you were, I apologize, but my inner ten-year-old will not be denied. Best of all, when you open the record, it talks to you. Well, actually, first it farts, then there’s a horrifying plop! sound, and then a female voice (ostensibly the woman on the cover) informs you, the listener, how sexy she finds the gentlemen of Turd Helmet. Then she flushes. Sophomoric? Sure. Disgusting? God, yes. Offensive? Probably to most respectable members of society. Hysterical? Absolutely. Unfortunately, while the track listing may suggest otherwise, the music itself isn’t as funny as the packaging. Well, sort of. I’ve never been as into music-as-comedy as other friends of mine. But who knows– you may find such classics as “Poopin’ In My Pants” and “Sandy Clam” funnier than I. As ridiculous as it sounds, I can think of a couple good reasons to keep this baby around even if you don’t like the music. In an emergency, you can use the album art to eradicate any unwanted boners. While I don’t have a penis, I’m willing to wager the album’s boner-killing effects will last for hours. You can also use it to test out any new acquaintances for a sense of humor, because anyone who doesn’t find this funny obviously doesn’t know how to enjoy life.