Lists of the ’90s

Instant Nostalgia issue

The DNA Decade

  • O.J.’s blood
  • Jurassic Park
  • Thomas Jefferson/Sally Hemmings
  • cloned calves
  • Dolly
  • Human Genome Project
  • the dress
  • Dr. Richard Seed

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The Rise of the Eastside Decade

  • Microsoft gazillionaires
  • Cucina! Cucina!
  • Modest Mouse
  • University Village makeover
  • Eddie Bauer
  • Kenny G’s Breathless goes 12x platinum
  • “Better check with Redmond”
  • WOMAD
  • Nintendo 64
  • Jennifer Dunn
  • Kirkland brand toilet paper
  • I-90
  • Mike Frier road divider
  • the new Renton

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Things that became extinct in the ’90s

  • “independent” films
  • “grassroots” politics
  • “most livable” status
  • Naughty Nineties
  • Steve’s Broiler
  • Trader Vic’s
  • Penny University
  • Food Giant
  • the Dead
  • busy signals
  • “hyperactivity”
  • feminism
  • Netscape
  • drug-law reform
  • health-care reform
  • education reform
  • grazing-fees reform
  • water-rights reform
  • Teamsters reform
  • tort reform
  • the peace dividend
  • the ’60s
  • affirmative action
  • Longacres
  • black-and-white newspapers
  • Ross Shafer
  • tourist-free REI shopping

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The Fat Decade

  • Biggie Smalls
  • Teletubbies
  • Chris Farley
  • Drew Carey
  • Rosie O’Donnell
  • Monica’s thighs
  • Bill’s appetite
  • Newman
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Stuffed-crust pizza
  • Queen Latifah
  • Cinnabon
  • Newt Gingrich
  • Cartman
  • fat cigars
  • phat
  • Mitchell Rupe
  • that woman on The Practice
  • I lost 40 lbs. in three weeks! Ask me how!

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Things we can’t do anymore on account of the ’90s

  • discharge fireworks
  • eat at Dag’s or the Doghouse
  • order “a beer” or “a cup of coffee” without being handed a list
  • expect to retire from
  • Boeing
  • block an intersection
  • sit on the sidewalk
  • make noise in Pioneer Square
  • buy malt liquor in Pioneer Square
  • live in Belltown on an artist’s salary
  • make fun of “geeks”
  • play in a band just for fun
  • watch the Sonics at the Tacoma Dome
  • complain that there’s no place to go out in Seattle
  • walk cheerfully up Pike Street and expect to be propositioned for sex, drugs, or meat still bearing the Safeway sticker
  • enjoy yourself in the Apple Theater, the Midtown, or the Downtown
  • advertise your show on a telephone pole
  • bring a gun along to your divorce hearing at the King County Courthouse
  • enjoy a $2 movie at the UA 150
  • play Hacky Sack in the middle of Pine Street
  • call anyone for a quarter
  • read a copy of Eastsideweek

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’90s bright ideas

  • OS-2
  • OK Cola
  • Microsoft Bob
  • the Newton
  • Madonna’s Sex
  • S&L bailout
  • urban villages
  • the cashmere
  • hooded sweatshirt
  • pull-tabs
  • the Newmark Center
  • Mike James running for Senate
  • diversity consultants
  • casual Fridays
  • Seattle Commons
  • Contract with America
  • CD-ROMs
  • Brew Your Own Beer
  • Blow Your Own Glass
  • zero tolerance
  • tall cuisine
  • fusion cuisine
  • cold fusion
  • ice beer
  • clear beer
  • tattoos
  • tattoo removals
  • silicone implants
  • silicone-implant removals
  • silicone implants
  • collagen injections
  • condoms in high schools
  • condoms in junior high schools
  • Heather Has Two Mommies
  • celebrity junkies
  • celebrity blowjobs
  • celebrity wanking
  • movies based on comics
  • movies based on toys
  • movies based on comics based on toys
  • hot-talk radio
  • Hammer time
  • luxury pickups
  • de-penistrations
  • penile reattachments
  • penile implants
  • the Goodwill Games
  • “Refuse to Lose”
  • “Not in Our House”

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Asia-Pacific Decade

  • APEC
  • karaoke
  • Nintendo Mariners
  • Singapore spanking
  • Vancouver sumo
  • annual China MFN “debate”
  • Gov. Gary Locke
  • Asian fund raising
  • Judge Ito
  • Hello Kitty
  • Jackie Chan
  • Dalai Lama
  • Hong Kong handoff
  • financial collapse
  • depression

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the oral decade

  • Eddie Murphy
  • Hugh Grant
  • milk moostaches
  • Marv Albert
  • the big creep
  • Dick Morris
  • Anna Deavere Smith
  • Tommy Lee
  • giant sucking sound
  • Kurt Cobain

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Very ’90s ways to quit this world

  • firing a postal worker
  • giving a poor review
  • to a rap CD
  • sharing a latte with Nicole
  • Brown Simpson
  • paparazzi racing
  • elementary-school shoot-out
  • swinging in Walla Walla
  • Waco BBQ
  • Camp Four on a cell phone
  • breathing in the Tokyo subway
  • Hale-Bopp
  • mailgram from Lincoln, Montana
  • landing a plane on Viagra
  • CBS’ prime time
  • Jumbo Jack washed down with Odwalla
  • shoplifting at Safeway
  • scoring an “own goal” against Colombia

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Political Miracle Decade

  • Clinton still president
  • Saddam still in Baghdad
  • British monarchy still collecting paychecks
  • Strom Thurmond still breathing
  • Carville and Matalin still married
  • Norm Rice survival of “gunshot”
  • Newt’s rise
  • Newt’s fall
  • balanced budgets
  • budget surpluses
  • Thomas Jefferson makes tabloids
  • Wag the Dog‘s timing
  • Charlie Chong’s election
  • Patty Murray’s reelection
  • Paul Allen’s purchase of an election
  • the Craswells
  • Luke Esser

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Inappropriate Relationship Decade

  • Bill and Monica
  • Bill and Paula
  • Bill and Kathleen
  • Bill and Gennifer
  • Bill and Andy
  • Amy and Joey
  • Mike and Evander
  • Mary Kay and whatsisname
  • Bob Packwood and staff
  • Mike Lowry and staff
  • Brock Adams and staff
  • buttafuoco buttafuoco buttafuoco
  • Tailhook
  • Ronald McDonald and kids
  • Frugal Gourmet and helpers
  • Pee-Wee Herman and self
  • Henry Hyde and friend’s wife
  • Anna Nicole Smith and ancient husband
  • Clarence
  • and Anita
  • Tonya and
  • Nancy
  • Woody and Soon-Yi
  • Michael Jackson and young friends
  • Bob Moorehead and congregants

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Remake Decade

  • Lost in Space
  • Maverick
  • The Brady Bunch
  • The Beverly Hillbillies
  • Flintstones
  • George of the Jungle
  • The Jetsons
  • The Fugitive
  • The Avengers
  • Batman
  • Mission Impossible
  • Dennis the Menace
  • Addams Family
  • Mr. Magoo
  • Sergeant Bilko
  • Etc., etc., etc., etc.

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The Rugrats Decade

  • McCaughey septuplets
  • Chukwu octuplets
  • Gates Babies
  • Babe
  • “Baby Got Back”
  • Baby Spice
  • “Yeah, baby!”
  • “Sonics, baby, yeah”
  • Babyface
  • Baby boom echo
  • Babydoll look
  • Baby M
  • Beanie babies
  • Dancing baby
  • Fabulous SportsBabe
  • “Hasta la vista, baby”
  • Locke babies
  • “beautiful babies”
  • crack babies
  • Nevermind