Dear Dategirl,
I met my boyfriend of six months online. We have an amazing sex life and, until recently, I thought things were great. When we met, we were both casually seeing other people, but after a month he asked if we could be exclusive. He said other women didn’t interest him anymore, and he wanted to be monogamous.
I should mention that after he told me he didn’t want to see anyone else, we agreed that we would not Google each other since we’d rather find things out about each other naturally. He also mentioned that he had some embarrassing photos floating around out there. The other night I broke down and searched his online-dating-profile name.
The name he used was very uncommon, so I immediately found the nude photos he’d posted of himself on a porn site. I saw he had been active within two days. Instead of confronting him, I created a fake profile and e-mailed him, asking if he was looking to meet women for dating or just for sex. He said he was looking for both, and after a few e-mails, he sent me his phone number so I could send him “my” photo.
Obviously he’s untrustworthy, but my question is, how do I confront him? Do I confront him? I am tempted to reveal my true identity via my fake profile, but I also feel a little guilty for possibly “entrapping” him. Then again, he so eagerly took the bait at my very minimal attempt that I’m having a hard time finding too much sympathy. What do I say, and how?
—Devastated Dumper
If someone asked me not to Google him (and I’m betting this was his idea), I would immediately assume I was dealing with a registered sex offender—or at the very least, a multiple felon—and be on that computer lickety-split. In fact, I believe asking someone to refrain from Googling you is tantamount to informing them that you have at least one horrible, deal-breaking secret. Naked pictures trawling for ass is kid’s play compared to what I’d be imagining.
Perhaps even worse than discovering he’s a sneaky bastard is the knowledge that you’re also dealing with a moron. Who doesn’t change their screen name depending on the site? “PussyLuvUh” on the Cat Fancy forum carries very different connotations than it would on Ashley Madison. On the grounds of sheer stupidity alone, this guy needs to be kicked to the curb.
After all, you weren’t digging through his closets or hacking into his computer, you simply typed “ClitLicker69” into a search engine and found his online treasure trove of cock shots. Perhaps you could’ve confronted him immediately, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt and went a little Nancy Drew. You handed him the rope he needed to autoerotically asphyxiate himself, and Dopey choked. But before you feel bad for him, remember that he easily could’ve refused your faux-person’s flirtations, or better yet, ignored them. But he chose to pursue it, and played you for a fool in the process. Whether you text him a jpeg of your face (or ass) from “her” account, or just never speak to him again, doesn’t matter. Just do it.
