Sept. 29-Oct. 5, 2004

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Intimacy ebbs and flows. You know this rationally, but sometimes it's hard to accept. Maintaining fiercely hot emotional temperatures takes energy that people sometimes lack. Luckily, closeness also begets knowledge of the other person, and trust. This week, experiencing tons of sweet togetherness is easy. It's coping with its diminishment that's the challenge. Things won't always be this hot. Accept that. If you let them, they'll flare back up many times. Resist the urge to sabotage things because they've cooled down; it's not the end of your relationship (unless you make it so), just another revolution of its natural cycle.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Even some conservatives are calling the war on Iraq possibly the worst blunder in U.S. history: Iraq has no ties to 9/11 or weapons of mass destruction and posed no tangible threat to the U.S. That Bush stands any chance of re-election is appalling. It just goes to show that you can fuck up big time and still get another chance. You don't even need to be charismatic, right, or intelligent. You just need to count on the fact that people are stupid. Luckily for you, this can work for you as well as against you, and this week it will. Remember: Stupid people are your friends. They'll help you, even if you fucked them over last week (or term), so wait until next week (term) before you do it again.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

I garden by instinct. I plant things and see what grows and try to guess what it needs along the way. Consequently, many of the things I plant never sprout, or they die almost immediately, because I don't know what I'm doing yet. I've given them the wrong kind of soil to grow in or the incorrect amount of sunlight or water. I haven't had a ton of practice at this, just like you haven't had vast amounts of experience at having a successful relationship. So it's trial and error. Luckily, you've found someone who'll mostly be patient on your road to intimacy, provided you extend them the same favor. So experiment and don't beat yourself up too hard for your mistakes. You'll figure it out.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

We'll both be glad when your ruling planet, Saturn, finally exits the dominion of that moodiest of signs, Cancer. All these undeniable emotions and their (uncharacteristic) self-expression is good practice for you, in the long run, but it's also grueling. Be patient, though, not frustrated or wretched. Much of your personal progress is pendulumlike, swinging from one extreme to another until you find your place of equilibrium. That takes time. You've probably noticed: Caps in their 40s (and up) are usually wise, stable, happy folk. Just wait. This is part of the process. You'll get there.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Be irrational. Your monkey mind's feverish grip on the steering wheel is a borderline personality disorder. Even during those brief moments when a heartfelt emotion or bodily urge takes the wheel, that jabbering thoughtmonger plays backseat driver, pointing out everything you're doing incorrectly. Too bad he knows nothing and excels only at fucking shit up. This week, gag him and lock him in the trunk. Pour gasoline on him so he's good and scared. Let your monkey mind know he's only part of the forces that drive you. Your heart and gut are in charge now. Your ridiculous hyperactive brain sucks at love and self-direction but is good at one thing (other than worry) that he should be allowed to do, as much as possible: play.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

What adorably furry critter are you going to pull out of your magical top hat this time, Pisces? You can't keep sidetracking us with these tricks. I predict that by the time you hit duck-billed platypus (one or two more diversionary stunts, tops), we'll be on to you and start watching the other hand, the one that's not waving around wildly trying to catch our attention, and then we'll see what you're really up to. So the misdirection is over. We'll get to see you all naked and vulnerable and human. Guess what? We won't laugh. Most likely we'll get turned on. Not so bad. So no more tricks. Ditch the top hat, already.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Most of what your least-favorite people do is quite embarrassing; they're just too oblivious, sheltered, or stupid to realize it. Don't validate their ridiculous opinions and actions by directly countering them. Just give them a mirror, or better yet, put a spotlight on them. Some unbiased attention can help modify someone's bad behavior better than your scolding or protest ever could. Let them show off in front of a bunch of people. They'll soon get the picture. They say that laughter's the best medicine. In the case of this particular disease, I'd say it's the closest we'll come to a cure.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Your communiqué is moldering in a dead letter office somewhere. Not technically. Technically the person you sent it to received your e-mail or whatever. But they didn't actually get it. They weren't ready to hear what you had to say, so they filed it away, address not found, and forgot about it. Try again. Their lack of response is thoughtless but not malicious; they simply haven't been thinking about it because it's never hit home. Say what you mean in a different way. I have a feeling that this time, you'll get a response. It might not be one you like, but it's something, and isn't that what you've been saying? "Anything is better than nothing." Enjoy.