We know there's a joke to be made about Santana High School, but we just can't seem to nail it. That said, we'd like to send a hearty Culture Bunker Fuck You to our "President," who referred to the shootings as "an act of cowardice." And here we thought an act of cowardice was going into the National Guard when there's a war going on.
It appears the long-awaited Incredible Hulk big-screen adventure will be directed by none other than Ang Lee. Hulk bored!
Courtney Love says that she's considering letting Epitaph Records release the lost Nirvana tapes. Before that happens, we figure Universal will have her offed—you know, just like she killed Kurt. . . .
People are always asking, "You guys hate Radiohead so much, what do you two like?" Well, Manic Street Preachers' Know Your Enemy is—with a few minor reservations, like Nicky Wire's ill-considered hero worship of Castro and lyrical glitches such as references to "Alfred J Prufrock" [sic]—the First Great Record of 2001. Also spinning this month on the Culture Bunker turntable is The Great Outdoors' What We Did in Our Holidays, perhaps the finest collection of janglepop this side of Athens, Ga., circa 1985. The Divine Comedy's new Regeneration isn't nearly as bad as we expected, what with Radiohead/Travis/Pavement producer Nigel Godrich behind the board. The fleshed-out rock sound only points out the fact that Our Neil's growing up, though the shaggy hair and denim jacket is a look he might want to reconsider. We also think the new Acetone record, York Blvd, is quite good, but as it is coming out at the same time that Michael is trying to clear out space on his shelves, it does raise a question: Does anyone really need four Acetone records? Shouldn't you just replace them each time a new one comes out?
Correct us if we're wrong, but isn't there something really fucking wrong about Gregg Alexander hawking New Radicals' anti-sellout anthem to Mitsubishi? Fuck that guy. . . . Bob Bert has a new band. He shouldn't have a band; he should have a job. . . . Crispin Glover is Bartleby the Scrivener!
The Best Novel of the New Century? True History of the Kelly Gang by Peter Carey. . . . Just think, at this very moment, Eric Lindros could be reading this column. It's not like he has anything better to do. . . . Our new favorite band name, discovered in the almost-home of the Albuquerque Isotopes: Rage Against Martin Sheen. We also think Dog Fashion Disco and Stereonub ain't bad monikers, neither.
They say Robert Ludlum died of a "heart attack," but we smell a conspiracy. . . . May we recommend you visit www.dustygroove.com. It offers, among other delights, "the best funky album you could ever find by Galt McDermott." In the words of Stone Cold Steve Austin, "Oh hell yeah!"
The University of South Carolina has come out with a new book about the Jewish members of the Confederacy. To celebrate, here's comedian Steve Landesberg's classic impression of Southern Judaism: "Hey, Estha, we goin' to Temple or what?" In addition, here's the punch line to our favorite Jews Down South joke: "Vat's a matta? Ain't you never seen a Yenkee before?"
Finally, here's a question for you folks: Would you rather eat a maggot-filled pie or go to school naked? Just wondering. . . .