WE'RE NOT PERFECT at Seattle Weekly, though Lord knows we try. However, owing to the unprecedentedly high number of recent errors, evasions, omissions, journalistic lapses,

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Corrections

Retractions, clarifications, boo-boos, and apologies.

WE'RE NOT PERFECT at Seattle Weekly, though Lord knows we try. However, owing to the unprecedentedly high number of recent errors, evasions, omissions, journalistic lapses, libels, typos, and misspellings, the editors have decided we should right a few past wrongs. (Our lawyers also figured in the conversation.) Below, we attempt to set the record straight on a variety of topics.

Contrary to our recent cover story ("Is Bill Gates an Alien?"), the atomic weight of Barium is actually 56—not 66, as erroneously stated. We regret any confusion caused.

In another cover story ("Open Your Wallet, Paul"), we mistakenly reported that Paul Allen had bought Argentina. While Mr. Allen is in fact the owner of Brazil, Chile, Uruguay, and several other Latin American republics, a printing error led to this misstatement, which we regret. The story should've said that Allen and his Vulcan Northwest company had actually bought the letter 'e,' with plans for exclusively licensing the vowel, in all media, at $1 per use. A spokesman explained, "We looked at 't,' 'q,' and 'x,' but didn't see the same revenue stream potential as 'e.' We feel it has excellent brand value, positive public associations, and you basically can't write a sentence without it. It's a franchise letter, which will give us a position of strength to make other alphabetical acquisitions in the near future."

In our recent analysis of last year's WTO protests, Paul Schell was described as "A lily-livered, waffling, two-faced, sniveling, cowardly weakling at the beck and call of the corporate interests who run this city and are undermining our civic democracy." Owing to a routine copyediting error, the sentence should have read: "A well-liked and respected first-term mayor."

Coyote Ugly is not "the Citizen Kane of T&A spectaculars," as our film critic wrote. Instead, it is "the Magnificent Ambersons of teen flesh parades."

Canada is not the 51st state, despite several past assertions to that effect in these pages.

Contrary to a recent editorial, drinking salt water will make you sick.

The north- and south-bound lanes of I-5 have not been closed since last winter by mud slides. It turns out that was an entirely different street in Magnolia. We regret any inconvenience caused in your daily commute.

A recent governmental address on global warming was misattributed to a California redwood. In fact, the speech was delivered by Al Gore.

It was erroneously stated in a June cover story ("Final Countdown") that the Day of Judgment was nigh and that Satan had begun his reign on earth. That isn't scheduled to happen until November.

Tuesday in fact precedes Wednesday, not the other way around—as indicated in our calendar section.

This paper has never won a Pulitzer Prize, although several plaques "liberated" from The Seattle Times during midnight raids are currently on display in our newsroom.

 
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