The Pet Lady


A couple of weeks ago I was visiting the fine city of Seattle to see a friend (she’s one of those people with no pets except plastic animals that you get for 49 cents). We went out on the town and I saw a sight that is still jarring to think about. Twenty, maybe 30, RATS running free in a little park (on Pine near Boren just above the freeway). I think they were grayish brown but it was dusk so I couldn’t quite tell. We stomped our foots to try to scare them but they didn’t care. They just kept running rampant all over the little park. You know, I live in a city and I see a stray rat now and then, but they always run for cover. These rats, no, they were brazen hussies of the night. Even though it was jarring to see the rats, I kind of liked them. Do you think I could catch one of these seemingly tame rats and keep it as a pet?

I.E. Ratty

P.S. The rats were only out at night, I walked by the following day to investigate.


The Pet Lady is glad that your experience with bold vermin did not ruin your visit to the Jet City and applauds the spirit (or spirits? Are you inebriated?) that prompts you to ponder adopting said bold vermin (she will leave your petless friend out of this). The Pet Lady expects that you could indeed trap or perhaps sedate with a blow-gun dart one of these feral fur friends and earn its love and trust over time (guarding against bites with protective clothing so as to prevent contracting rat disease). The Pet Lady, too, has a certain admiration for brazen hussies, of the night or otherwise; she would, however, think two or more times prior to making one found in the park a part of the household. One may take the rat out of the wild, but taking the wild out of the rat is quite another matter.

The Pet Lady


Get real! “. . . when you wait weeks and weeks to write, or . . . write in response to a letter . . . received . . . in June” [The Pet Lady, Aug. 16]; maybe you or your P.S. should check the dates on the e-mails y’all receive before you try to make me look foolish. It’s out of my control as to when you decide to print the letters that you do. I e-mailed you about the penguins/ostriches the same week that you printed Dru LeVeck’s letter. OK?!




The Pet Lady is currently in a paroxysm of mortification, shortly to be followed by diligent attempts to, as you so aptly put it, “get real.” Many, many apologies to you, dearest Dion! So inundated with mail are the Pet Lady and the Pet Secretary that, inevitably, some letters fall behind the liquor cabinet or under the divan, only to be recovered during seasonal cleaning, and the Pet Lady guesses that this is the case here (the Pet Lady does not handle the electronic mail; it so disturbs her that the Pet Secretary is kind enough to copy out those messages longhand and then re-post them properly). All excuses aside, if anyone looks foolish here it is, clearly, the Pet Lady herself.

Begging your pardon sincerely,

The Pet Lady

Send your pet query and depiction to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail