The Pet Lady

Dear Pet Lady,

There seems to be a trend lately of people bringing their pets into the office. I find this unsanitary and annoying; plus, not only does a dog not perform any work, it distracts others who are made to feel they must fawn over it or risk ostracization. Why should I be forced to interact with pets in the workplace? I’ve enclosed a photo of one such offender. Please don’t use my name.

Disgruntled Downtown

Dear Freddie Brown,

The Pet Lady finds work barely suitable for humans, much less pets, though in some places of business animals are quite necessary. What, for instance, is a bookstore without a cat? A firehouse without a neurotic dalmatian or two? A telemarketing firm without dozens of braying jackasses? That said, the Pet Lady can see how unsettling it might be to find an errant visiting iguana warming itself under your desk lamp while watching you with its beady reptilian eyes. However, you are correct in your supposition that if you do not assume a fa硤e of geniality, you are likely to become known as that surly fellow who hates animals and babies and is in all probability a serial murderer.

Perhaps you ought to combat your vocational crankiness with another fad the Pet Lady has recently heard tell of: work slippers. Slip off your shoes upon arrival at your place of employ and encase your feet in some nice woolly slippers. See, isn’t that better? Nothing gruntles like slippers.

The Pet Lady

Send the Pet Lady a nice photograph of an animal that’s making you angry. E-mail or use proper postage to: The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.