The Pet Lady

Dear Pet Lady,

Thank you for publishing my first letter. I found your bit on Belgian Waffles especially interesting. But, alas, we have another problem with our pet, Penny, not Lenny! She’s always curling her ears back on the top of her head like a little hat. Is she making a fashion statement, and will this affect her hearing?

Johanna Pearl Garmanian

P.S. I’ve included an envelope for you to return the picture of Penny (not Lenny!) to me.

Dear Pearl,

The Pet Lady notes with approval that you are cognizant of and heeding the recent increase in postage, and very much admires your American Kestrel 1 stamps. What a handsome bird, is it not, sweet Pearl? The Pet Lady has a new bird feeder and has been especially enjoying the interstate visits of the tiny Dark-Eyed Oregon Junco, fine little friends to gaze at on a chilly afternoon whilst sitting on the settee with a warming beverage. It seems that you may do the same from the state of your outer envelope, which appears to have been doused in some sort of toddy, although perhaps it met that fate at the hands of the letter carrier’s Thermos; it must get quite chilly delivering the mail, and one cannot fault them for tippling a bit. As for your dog and her name, if she can still hear it, then all is well. Perhaps she is just amusing herself; the Pet Lady is capable of wiggling her right ear and will do so quietly on occasion to prevent falling into surliness.

Fear not, ch鲩e, the Pet Secretary shall restore this and your previous photograph (residing in the Files, if all is right with the world) to you posthaste and will be pummeled lightly for not telephoning you regarding the latter as instructed lo these many weeks ago. Best to all the Gargantuans, particularly your little hat-wearing friend.

The Pet Lady

Send the Pet Lady a nice photograph of your fur friend in a hat. E-mail or use proper postage to: The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.