The Pet Lady

Dearest Pet Lady,

How do I make sure drunk people leaving my house after a party don’t let my strictly-house-cat run out into the dark, cold wee hours of the morning? It just happened for the first time and I was very fortunate to be reunited with my pet beast. It must not happen again.

Still shaken from the fright of it all,

A Charming Hostess

San Francisco

Dear Harming Coasters,

The Pet Lady, too, had a little soir饠recently, and she noted again how difficult it is to enforce the use of coasters. One can hardly be expected to mingle appropriately and still monitor ambient surfaces for misplaced sweating highball glasses. This event had the added distraction of a Guest Cat, brought by one of the Pet Lady’s lovely neighbors; all were charmed by the small, striped attendee, who behaved very well indeed as he was handed around willy-nilly. The owner of Guest Cat has taken to heart the Pet Lady’s tenet that the way to a tranquil, contented feline is to allow its little paws to touch the ground as seldom as possible in its youth, holding it in your arms as you attend to your tea and reading. This philosophy prevents eventually finding oneself with the kind of cat only present at a party if attached to your head by sharp claws, which takes the je ne sais quoi out of any event. Furthermore, a cat in hand is a cat not out the door. If Beast is not amenable to being held by your invitees, Beast will have to be jailed with appropriate signage without (“Beast Within: Open Not This Portal” is nice, if tempting). Alternately, the Pet Lady has reason to believe your fair city is home to a number of agreeable cocktail lounges at which you might entertain. Cheers, ch鲩e.

The Pet Lady

Dear Pet Lady,

I like pugs and I like beer. My question is, is it OK to give my pug beer?

Pug- and Beer-Liker

Dear P.A.B.L.O.,

The Pet Lady admires your spirit, so much so that she finds it merits an exclamation point! Now that she has that out of her system, the Pet Lady must say it would be irresponsible to recommend providing sparkling adult beverages to a pet. However, it must be noted that our animal friends in nature, such as birds and deer, will eat of the fermented berries until they fall out of trees (birds) and stand there dumbly, prettily blinking (deer). If your pug likes beer, as you do, and it finds a pug-sized portion of beer about the place, well, who can say what will happen?

The Pet Lady

Send a photo of your pet and it may appear right here—imagine the thrill! E-mail or send by land to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.