The Pet Lady


I have a problem with a new pet. I recently parted ways with my ex-boyfriend and I got custody of his ex-girlfriend’s cat, Kaitlyn Kitty. She’s a treasured part of my life now, but I’m troubled by one aspect of her personality.

You see, Pet Lady, she’ll only drink from the sink. She waits for me to turn on a slight trickle of water so she can wet her paw, lap up the water, and repeat as necessary until she’s sated. The trouble is that she doesn’t turn the water off when she’s finished, so I can’t leave it running for her while I tarry away far from home counting beans and putting them in the proper jars. In the morning, I leave the fountain going until it’s time for me to go, but then she has no way to drink until I get home.

Being a single gay man, I’m diligently working to get that “single” part removed from my personal description, and that means the occasional drink after work. Picture me drinking and chatting with any one of Seattle’s handsome short men (ah, Seattle). While I appear to be laughing at my date’s bon mots, I can’t shake the nagging thought that my precious Princess Kaitlyn is dehydrating while I’m imbibing—which makes it hard to concentrate on even the most penetratingly handsome brown eyes.

Enclosed is a picture of Kaitlyn Kitty waiting patiently in the sink for her next drink. Have you ever seen such a beautiful cow cat in all your days? Please help.




The lovely Kaitlyn does indeed rival the beauty of the finest of cow cats, which until this point has been indisputably the estimable Cop Car (with the reassuring—or frightening, depending—markings of a police vehicle). The fastidiousness of Kaitlyn is also admirable; who among us wants to drink any but the freshest beverages, Scotches aside, of course? You may be able to fool the Fastidious One into delicately procuring one drop at a time from some sort of Zen rock garden/circulating fountain; our feline fur friends are particular, though, and the P.L. doubts anything but the sink will do for Kaitlyn. Perhaps when you are out gallivanting, you might have a kindly neighbor water the cat, or, alternately, bring that handsome someone back to your abode to do so; nothing is more alluring than a man who takes good care of his beloved pet. This is also a fine way to get a handsome someone on your premises, so to speak—the only trouble then for you, charming Glen, will be getting him to leave.

It occurs to the P.L. that she has several witty, fine young gentleman friends you really must meet (one is even tall!), Glen, so do let her know if she may extend to you an invitation to her next cocktail party. Best to you and yours,

The Pet Lady

Send your pet query and depiction to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail