MY DEAREST PET LADY,

Let me start by saying that I enjoy your column immensely. You are absolutely dripping with pearls of wisdom. I love your witty retorts, and with your generous application of spirits I feel we are indeed sisters. But I digress; I write regarding the enclosed photo. Yes, it is after the holidays, but I need to do this or it will bother me until next Christmas.

My husband and I had the photo made into a Christmas card about six years ago. Unfortunately the subject in the photo is deceased, but all in all, he was a good iguana. His name was Caligula, and he had a pretty good temperament. I don’t actually have a question, I just wanted to offer a little advice. I thought it would be really cute to make a Santa hat, affix it to Caligula’s head, hang him in a stocking, and take some photos. All was going along pretty well until about the 25th shot, when he jumped out of the stocking onto my face, biting my lip—drawing blood—and shot through the cat door. This was November in Seattle and it was a bit cold out, and he climbed my mountain ash tree. My husband climbed the tree, getting him down, and we had to warm him up in our sweaters. My advice is, if you are going to do cutesy photos like that, at least keep the pet on its leash and all exits blocked. I won’t even get into the time I decided it would be cute to have the cats dressed as reindeer and the dog dressed as Santa in his sleigh. . . .

Sign me,

No More Cutesy Photos

DEAR N.M.C.P.,

Allow the Pet Lady to begin by saying that she enjoys those who enjoy her column immensely a great deal—you are indeed wise yourself, and the Pet Lady shall apply some spirits in your honor posthaste. It is magnanimous of you to take a moment in the New Year to consider the welfare of other Pet Owners and pen a cautionary letter about your resolution that all may contemplate until next Christmas, or at least Halloween. While some pets are more amenable than others to being outfitted for a masquerade, the costuming of the animals is not something to undertake lightly; as when dressing small humans, it is best to go slowly and allow them to choose their own attire. And when capturing fur friends, children, etc., for posterity, dear Readers, do recall N.M.C.P.’s tale of woe and consider that repeated flash photography makes most anyone want to draw blood.

Best to you, your husband, and your sweaters, dear N.M.C.P.,

The Pet Lady

Pet and/or photographic difficulties? Write the Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com. Include a photo of your pet in a sweater and receive a special gift!