Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)
How to make things straightforward and uncomplicated: Don’t strain yourself trying to simplify and edit them, which is actually a lot of hard work (and complicated in and of itself). A better solution is to just change your relationship to them, how you react and interact. The turbulent nature of your life these days means you don’t get a smooth ride right now, no matter how much you work at it. So instead of sweating it and struggling to achieve the bumpless jaunt you’d hoped for, figure out a way to live more happily with the zigs, zags, climbs, and plunges. When you realize that you have only a tiny fraction of the control you thought you had, you can, perversely, relax. And that will actually makes things simpler than you ever imagined they could be.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)
Your busyness has levels and levels—a fact you frequently forget. You’ll be bustling along, thinking you’re as busy as you can be, until events compound and accelerate. Then you realize that you’d actually been quite relaxed before; you just hadn’t noticed it. I mention this now because you are, in point of fact, only revving at 60 percent of your full capacity, even though it feels like more. But you’ll realize how chill this time was when you’re forced to shift gears in a couple weeks and move closer to 90 percent of what you’re capable of. So stop stressing. This is easy, relatively. Enjoy it.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)
A minor resurgence of a Victorian-era aesthetic (and, in some cases, values) has begun and is apt to continue—with Librans spearheading the movement. Oh sure, you’re not likely to start advocating that women wear breath-thwarting corsets, but some of the less restrictive (though actually nicest) aspects of the fashion and behavior of that period are especially appealing to you. It’s good to be real and unaffected and forthright, but if you can express all that honesty with utter tact and gentility, you’re likely to be charming rather than just plain demanding or harsh. What I’m trying to get at is this: Don’t change what you have to say, but if you can find a way to express it sweetly, you’ll get better results than if you just blurt it out any old way.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
Summer’s nearly over. How many of the things you thought you’d finish this season have you actually accomplished? You’ve been so lazy. I’m usually a huge advocate of blissful indolence, but your slow Sunday drive is along a major highway. In about three weeks, millions of cars and 18-wheelers will surge onto the interstate you’re lackadaisically drifting down right now. To avoid a nasty 23-car pileup and horrifically tedious traffic snarls for weeks afterward, I suggest you step on the gas at least a little, and either get into gear or find an exit ramp, fast.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
You’re a houseplant that hasn’t been watered in weeks. That explains the melted-around-the-edges feeling you have, like a candle left in sunlight. It’s not that you’re getting old—a possibility you’d sourly considered (admit it). Sags tend to keep going strong deep into their golden years. What’s actually happened is you’ve gone too long without something basic and necessary (like water for the marigolds). Luckily, you’re one of those responsive and hardy houseplants that can surge back to radiant health from near death within minutes of hydration. Still, that’s no reason to put it off any longer. Whatever it is you need as much as a plant needs water—go get it.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
One of the best and worst things about you, Capricorn, is that when you find something that works, you stick with it. This can make you a steadfastly loyal friend or lover, but kind of a limited one. Although it’s generally a good strategy (and admirable when compared to the attention-deficit-powered whimsy exercised by those flitty Geminis), it has a problem: You too often settle for something that’s only slightly above average. For you, adequate will do, and it does, sadly leaving the better alternative undiscovered except, occasionally, entirely by accident. Stop settling! Look beyond the first acceptable solution this week; you’ll be surprised at how little effort is required to achieve exponentially better results.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
Your alien abduction fantasies are never going to come true unless you spend more time by yourself. What, you want them to show up in the middle of a party and pick you up, or pluck you out of bed in flagrante delicto? True, it’ll probably never happen regardless, but it’s as good an excuse as any to take some long-overdue alone time. You need it; you’re too often inclined to just go and go, with continually overlapping social entanglements, and never take a break until you completely break down. Don’t let it go there. Assess all the people you could see and places you could go this week, and then say no to at least some of them.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
You’re good at fitting into the cracks, and at cramming your creative expression in there, too. You could write a novel in the margins of a deck of playing cards or paint masterpieces on your fingernails. But why should you? Just because you’re so endlessly flexible that you can squeeze yourself into a shoe box doesn’t mean you’re required to do that. It’s good to have that capacity, but it’s fucked to have to constantly exercise it. Take up space this week—not simply as much as you need (which is actually quite tiny), but as much as you want.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
I’ve got to keep the zodiac balanced somehow. That’s why I’m simultaneously counseling Pisces to occupy more space and requesting that you take up somewhat less. It’s not that we don’t all love your bigness and brashness, but I think you could be very slightly more selective about when it’s applied. In other words, being as loud and brazen as you can be is a great activity but a lousy habit. Make what you do a conscious act. Commit yourself this week to being larger-than-life when it’s really called for, and remaining merely life-size the rest of the time.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Taurean chemist Thomas Midgley Jr. invented CFCs as well as the idea of putting lead into gasoline (among many other things), unknowingly fucking us all over. He died (strangled in the cords of a machine he invented) without ever knowing how damaging and toxic his inventions were to life on Earth. Although on an exponentially smaller scale, a couple of the things you’re up to are inadvertently causing harm to those around you (and, in some cases, yourself). It’s not your fault; you had no way of knowing—till now. This week, please take notice of these detrimental side effects of your activities, so you can limit or eliminate them.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
Don’t get lazy on me now. Lately you’ve been living your life in broad strokes and sort of glossing over the details, or pretending to postpone them till later. That’s lame. Some of the details are boring, it’s true—but some of them are actually the most interesting parts of what you’re up to. You think you’re being succinct, even pithy; but in actuality, you’re just being vague. There are worlds of difference between selectively imparting a few fascinating details, relating all of them without discrimination, or simply sharing none at all. The first makes you brilliant, observant, and entertaining, while either of the other two options just makes you boring. You choose.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
Enough already. You can’t keep living this way. It’s time to address that nagging issue on the agenda that you’ve tabled for months (or, in some cases, years). Your best efforts to simply not think about it are falling flat, and that “perfect moment” you’ve been waiting for will never come—not this week, anyway, nor in the coming months. So what? If this were about something you needed, not something someone else required, you’d never wait this long to bring it up. Do unto others, my friend—help out the ones who need you, and speak up, for fuck’s sake.
