If Axl Rose’s long-delayed new album, Chinese Democracy, has been met with a colossal yawn by the music press, the nominal Guns N’ Roses release has stirred up considerably more interest in the actual nation of China. According to New Music Express, the official Chinese Communist Party paper Global Times has offered up some scathing rock criticism, calling the album a “venomous attack” on the country, and saying that Rose’s one-man band “turns its spear point on China.” (You probably won’t read anything as trenchant in Rolling Stone.)
But the controversy doesn’t stop there: It turns out that during Rose’s 17-year effort to record the album, he weighed several other different potential titles. The first batch comprised more variations on the Oriental theme, but we’re guessing China wouldn’t have liked them any better:
Maybe You Should Listen to the Dalai Lama, Beijing, ‘Cause He’s Making Some Sense
You Know What? Chairman Mao Sucked
Your Olympic Mascot Was Totally Gay
Yao Ming Totally Blows at the Foul Line
Taiwan Without the Mainland Is Like GNR Without Slash, Who Was Totally Not Pulling His Weight
But the Chinese weren’t the only nationality whom Rose might’ve chosen to offend (intentionally or not). Following is his even longer list of considered-but-rejected alternate Chinese Democracy album titles:
Canada: A Nation of White Fucking Trash
My Childhood Was Way Fucking Worse Than That Famine-in-Ethiopia Shit
The Girls in Bulgaria Are All Fat Pigs (Believe Me, I Know)
Fuck You, Kurdistan
France, You Remind Me of My First Fucking Wife
What the Fuck Are You Looking at, Haiti?
Learn to Speak English, Fucking Spain!
Tunisia Is for Fags
Putin, I Banged Your Wife
Good luck with that European tour, dude. They’re sure to love you over there.