Nuns don’t often make the news because the news isn’t usually concerned with things nuns do. Praying, penance and a life of chastity just don’t make for stories that move product. Luckily for us, a pair of competing convents in Spokane have decided to stop acting holy for a hot minute and have started acting more like rival corporations.Our jaunty tale begins earlier this year, when two nuns from the Missionary Sisters convent defected to Mount St. Michael, a competing convent known for its full-length blue habits.Missionary Sisters reverend mother Marie de Montfort claims that, before leaving for Mount St. Michael, the two nuns broke into a safe and took with them cash, silver, credit card numbers and other sensitive business info. De Montfort hasn’t said how she thinks the two sisters managed to swipe all that loot, but we’d like to imagine they ferried it underneath their habits and waddled away, in a manner much like the Emperor Penguins they resemble.The nuns at Mount St. Michael deny any thefts took place. And Spokane Valley Police seem to be on their side, as a recent unannounced search of the property turned up nothing. But de Monfort and the leaders of Missionary Sisters won’t quit.”In my opinion, not only does the inactivity of the Spokane Valley Police Department need to be investigated, but the activities at Mount St. Michael who are harboring an admitted thief and who possess stolen property in bad faith,” said a Reverend affiliated with the Sisters.No charges have been filed yet. And reading between the lines, it sounds as if the police think de Monfort and her crew are more than a little nutty — they’re part of a breakaway sect that doesn’t believe the Pope is the real Pope and only conduct mass in Latin.But just in case you think this case is too strange and out of character for the nuns you’ve come to know and love based on depictions in movies with Whoopi Goldberg, take comfort in this final note: both convents, despite their differences, are reportedly praying for their respective souls.