News Clips— Campaign training log: Day 1

NOVEMBER’S GRUDGE MATCH between incumbent Mayor Paul Schell and City Attorney Mark Sidran promises to be a no-holds-barred brawl between two fierce heavyweight pols. Both candidates have already embarked upon rigorous training routines for their coming combat. This WWF-style smackdown will offer all the blood and excitement we expect from our municipal elections—in a steel cage!

Sidran Schell
6am: Rises before dawn, runs 10 miles, swims from Pier 59 to Alki and back, cold shower. 6am: Sleeps late.
9am: 100 push-ups and sit-ups between meetings. 9am: Triple latte, extra foam.
10am: Challenges staff to repeatedly punch his rock-hard abs while he screams, “C’mon, harder, you pussies! I can take it!” 10am: Muffin break!
11am: Runs up 55 flights of stairs at Washington Mutual Tower wearing backpack filled with manhole covers—twice. 11am: Nap.
12pm: On lunch break, spars bare-knuckled with frozen sides of beef. 12pm: Four-course meal at Campagne. Two desserts.
2pm: During meetings, tears a dozen phone books in half with bare hands. 2pm: Nap.
5pm: Before continuing his workday till midnight, takes break to wrestle with ravenous wild cougar kept locked in City Hall basement. (Afterwards, e-mails Department of Fish and Wildlife to find new cougar with “more spunk.”) 5pm: Cocktail hour. Dinner at Rover’s. In bed by 8.