“Man who killed police officers had unusual marriage.” Uh yeah, you could

“Man who killed police officers had unusual marriage.” Uh yeah, you could say that. The Seattle Times is coming out with a book about Maurice Clemmons, the man who assassinated four Lakewood police officers last fall. The five-part adaptation promises to trace Clemmons’ entire life, from his childhood in Arkansas to his final days as a fugitive. But the lesson of the first serialized entry, composed from jail-house phone calls recorded in July, is simple: Clemmons was a terrible husband.Like a lot of crazy people, Clemmons thought he was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Unfortunately for his wife Nicole, Clemmons wasn’t quite the Biblical scholar he thought himself to be. So instead of actually behaving like Jesus, which would have entailed a lot of foot rubs, he instead used his self-appointed position as savior to act like a complete dickhead.When Nicole balked at buying seven computers she couldn’t afford to help Clemmons with a real-estate scheme, he told her he was going to “whup [her] ass like a dog.” When she tried to offer her opinions on key family decisions he told her the Bible said she didn’t have a say.”You don’t got no opinion,” Clemmons said in the tapes obtained by the Times. “It’s my opinion, when we become married, we become one flesh, and so it’s what I say.”Clemmons also committed the cardinal sin of embarrassing his wife by forcing Nicole to deposit a $150 million check, “a wire transfer from God” that never actually went through. “If you my woman, you got to be bold,” he told her.What’s more, like any great dickhead, Clemmons used his newfound position as Messiah to explain away his many infidelities, telling Nicole that he laid down with other women because he needed to commit sins in order to be able to sympathize with us common folk.Read the first entry here. For the entire series, go here.

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