Re: “Fool’s Paradise” (April 1) by Seattle Weekly staff

Just wanted to give you kudos for the April Fools’ article. You guys nailed it in almost every case. I especially liked the Montlake Bridge bit. Who do those pricks think they are? It baffles me to no end why a city with an almost-constant rush hour is catering to a few folks who (I’m assuming) are not in a hurry and have nowhere important to be. Rich or not, they need to either pick a lake and stick with it or shorten their f*cking masts. —paddy6677, Seattle

Your comments on take-‘n’-bake pizza are utterly pointless. If you want to complain about something, at least complain about something with, I dunno…some substance. Or, better yet, quit complaining in Seattle Weekly and ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING! —lulu32, Tacoma

Has anyone actually tasted the take-‘n’-bake? Perhaps you should before talking smack! —Tiffani, Seattle

Take-‘n’-bake is popular not because it’s pizza. It’s successful because since it is uncooked, you can use food stamps to pay for it. —Sean, Federal Way

I go to Mars Hill as I have friends who are believers, and my 50+ experiences with their sermons—most of them done by Driscoll—simply do not match up with your characterization. Sure, they’re against homosexuality. Sure, they promote a more submissive role for wives. Sure, they’re wrong on both counts. As are you for oversimplifying such stances as bigoted and misogynistic. They’ve made a point of noting that such views CAN include those flaws, and that they themselves must be vigilant in avoiding that path. —js

While I consider myself a fan of Chris Cornell, I’d have to agree with this article’s assessment of his post-Soundgarden career to a certain extent. Calling people who bought a ticket to his show “douchebags,” however, is way, way out of line. I saw Chris play live in 2007, and he put on a hell of a show, performing with professionalism and gusto, with material culled from his entire career. Denigrating people who simply want to see a great rock show is ridiculous and petty, and it makes whoever wrote that seem like a whining, elitist hipster whose pants are on way too tight. —Mike Grover, Portland

Wow. That was a lot of venom for ol’ Mr. Cornell. It really smacked of the über-jealous, excruciatingly obscure-band-referencing, failed (grunge) musician-turned-music “journalist” née critic. [You nailed Seely to a tee.—Eds.] Bravo (aloof-Seattle-scenester applause).

I haven’t listened to his latest offering, so I can’t comment on that. I’m not going to his sold-out Showbox affair (too broke). I’m chiming in because he’s one of the greatest rock-and-roll vocalists of all time (not debatable) and has written some amazing songs, and legacy should count for something.

I would have liked not to have seen the Cornell family humiliated by a hometown rag . It was a needless entry in an otherwise entertaining piece (and the cover, really?). When you assclowns are dead and gone, your great-grandkids will jam “Rusty Cage” cranked to 11. —Patrick Fay, Seattle

April Fools Day or not, stupid drivel like this is what makes Seattle Weekly an irrelevant rag. —Mel

I’m still trying to get over the fact that there was not a mention of Singles in this entire blurb. Screw Disclosure—Sheila Kelly, on a bike, on the Burke-Gilman! —Ellen, Wedgwood

Re: “Dategirl: Poop Snoop” (March 25) by Judy McGuire

The guy is having an affair. No question about it. I’d bet my shrunken 401(k) on it. Nothing else accounts for that array of behaviors. It’s interesting what a powerful force denial is.

I know there are people who can eventually regain their trust in a cheater, and I admire them for it, but I couldn’t do it. My feeling is that if a person has shown themself capable of cheating and lying and being selfish and disrespectful once, they’ll probably end up doing it again. —Jim

I pre-empted my husband by going to a divorce attorney first with a list of our assets and a plan, including a child-support plan, written on the attorney’s letterhead. He was shocked into reality (particularly the reality that he wasn’t getting any of my inheritance). It was very instructive. —Sarah, Olympia

When you ignore that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach, you are in for trouble. I am not Oprah, but I can say that you have to be ready for the truth. You should begin to strategize now: what about the kids (if you have any), marital property, move assets so you won’t get burned. Realize that he may be considering leaving you any day now! If he did, where would you be? Hopefully not in a welfare line!

By the way, go get tested for STDs. —Eboneetigress

This is fucking terrible advice, Judy. If a man did to a woman the things you describe, it would (rightly so) be thought of as abusive behavior. Don’t invade your partner’s privacy by installing a keylogger or cracking their e-mail account. It is demeaning to both of you, and you will never trust each other again. If you are wrong and your partner finds out about it, you risk the relationship. If you can’t take your spouse at their word, your relationship is essentially over. Do not cheapen yourself—you’ll regret it. —kitchensynch, Seattle

OK, since no one else is dishing out the tough, unpleasant stuff, I will. Don’t invade any part of his life you are not going to throw open to him at the same time. And if you have something to hide—say an expensive shoe hobby or a guy you don’t screw but are actually too close to emotionally (c’mon, ladies, you think we aren’t aware of that “spare” guy you keep in the trunk in case your primary relationship flattens?), etc.—time to ‘fess up on that.

After you find out he is cheating, but before you go all Diary of a Mad Black Woman–revenge-fantasy on him, honestly ask yourself: Did you give him cause to look for it elsewhere? I am not saying that is the case here. Nor am I saying he is in the clear if that is the case. But don’t get all “How could he do this to me!” unless you are willing to put on your big-girl dress too and acknowledge some role in the matter. —Snowguy