Jonathan KaminskyOrcas Island, as anyone who has visited can tell you, is

Jonathan KaminskyOrcas Island, as anyone who has visited can tell you, is lovely. The Emerald Island, as it is rightly known, is a study in greens, from its rolling, pastoral hills to the dense forest of Moran State Park to the wooded seclusion of its island residences. This is not to mention the breathtaking sunsets, cute little towns with twee little stores, and the ample, gorgeous shoreline. Indeed, Orcas would be the perfect place for a relaxing vacation–if it weren’t for the jarringly unwelcoming locals, and the signs they erect to remind you, the paying visitor, of just how welcome you aren’t.Jonathan KaminskyLook at that sunset! The view is from the patio outside the Coho Lodge, where we stayed on a recent visit. Wait till you see the view from the dock!Jonathan KaminskyOh noes! We forgot! The dock is locked, and access is limited to those who live in the garish homes on the bulldozed land behind the hotel. There is ongoing litigation between the hotel owners and the residents over dues owed to the homeowners association, with the result that paying guests such as ourselves–let alone peons such as yourselves–are not permitted on the dock.Jonathan KaminskyDon’t be fooled by that “resort guests” line. Because the animosity has spilled over to the tennis court. The head of the homeowners association has been known to emerge screaming from his house to yell at Coho Lodge guests brave enough to take the court. He’s apparently been suffering some health issues of late, and his property protection is reportedly not what it has been, but play at your own risk!Jonathan KaminskyNote the “Welcome” sign in the upper-right-hand corner. In the lower left, note the “NO PARKING” sign. This summarizes the essence of life on Orcas Island, at once so dependent upon, and yet so resentful of, the tourists who keep the island’s economy afloat. Jonathan KaminskyThe owners of this house decided to buy a place just a stone’s throw from Orcas Island’s primary tourism thoroughfare (outside of the ferry landing). Probably it was cheaper than other more secluded spots. Does that mean that they want the riffraff making u-turns in their driveway?Jonathan KaminskyNo, it does not. Just because they can’t afford a more private residence doesn’t mean they can’t be the kings of their castle.The parking on Orcas? Actually, not so bad.Jonathan KaminskyIt would be better, however, if residents and business owners were a little less militant about their reserved parking spaces. Jonathan KaminskyIn fairness, not all business owners on Orcas with reserved parking spaces are assholes.Jonathan KaminskyThese people, see, they don’t want to have your car towed away. It’s just that, well, you’re in their parking space. Asshole.The island is full of lovely dirt roads and paths that practically call out for exploring.Jonathan KaminskyThe only trouble is, as a general rule, you can’t walk down them. Jonathan KaminskyOr, as we prefer: “Keep out or we’ll sic our cops on you!” To give you the flavor, here are a few more:Jonathan KaminskyJonathan KaminskyJonathan KaminskyJonathan KaminskyOrcas is also home to lots of lovely fields for kids to run around and frolic in.Jonathan KaminskyThat is, for them to look longingly upon. And woods! Did we mention the woods? Jonathan KaminskyThat’s right, you can count on it!Jonathan KaminskyJonathan KaminskyJonathan KaminskyJonathan KaminskyIn case you’d planned on killing some game, think again.Jonathan KaminskyBelow is tribal land. A while back, someone modified the sign to read “Leave No Trash.” As you can see, the proper Orcas touch has since been applied. Jonathan KaminskyIn fairness, we did find one friendly sign on Orcas, in the town of Olga.Jonathan KaminskyFollow The Daily Weekly on Facebook and Twitter.