Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You were probably one of the millions who braved the queues and crowded theaters to experience one of the blockbuster movie events of the last month, so this week should feel vaguely familiaronly this time, the lines that wrap around the block are here to see you. OK, maybe things won’t quite get to that extreme, but you will see the numbers of petitioners seeking your clever wisdom and perky vibe rise dramatically, along with their determination. In other words, long lines and crowds won’t thwart your persistent admirers, so why not make it easy for them? Get out your autograph pen and your most winning smile. You’ll need them.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
I’m actually very excited about living with a Cancer again. Along with a host of other new fans, I’ve lately learned to admire and appreciate your quirky clanand how to accommodate your moods, a key skill when interacting with you on a daily basis. It’s weird how many people are finally realizing how solid you are, despite your eminently dynamic and tempestuous surface. Could it be that the imminent arrival of Saturn’s taciturn force in your sign is parting the waters of your changeable emotions, revealing the reliable bedrock that’s always lain beneath?
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
I’m worried about you. In recent months, you’ve really come into or remembered the sources and applications of your great strength, and developed a positive-feedback loop of confidence. Although you’re not necessarily in danger, I’m here to warn you, anyway: The kinds of problems that are most likely to haunt you now aren’t other predators or kindred forces of naturethey’re of the tiny variety that you can barely see and that your might can barely touch, like disease-laden fleas, venomous spiders, or disturbing, strength-sapping dreams. Since you can’t easily fight or avoid these kinds of foes, you need allies who can. A Pisces best friend or Cancer roommate would be ideal.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You’re not excessively prone to nostalgia. Digging up old comic books or love letters and musing over them for hours isn’t your style. In fact, you’re the most likely sign to trash them during an extremely thorough spring-cleaning. You’re right to consider the past a hindrancehaving the jumbled litter of old chapters hampering your movements now (literally and figuratively) is a shitty prospect. But your history can also strengthen you, by reminding you of hard-earned wisdom born of mistakes you’ve made. Go ahead and eliminate most of the clutter of your life, but not all of itthere are a few lessons I’d rather you remember than relive.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
If your brain were a house, it’d be like the common areas (kitchen, living room, bathroom) had gone dark, with all the traditionally darker places, like basements, attics, and closets, brightly illuminated. What to do with this sudden exposure of your skeletons, dusty baggage, and nearly useless relics of nearly forgotten chapters? Take a break from your usual patterns to address this stuff. Some of it might be useful, if you rethink its application. You’ll also have no better time to finally trash the crap you know you’ll never use again.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Traditionally, you’ve had as many people running toward the darkness and danger you represent as away from it. Unfortunately, the vast majority of them were unhealthy masochists, driven by powerful urges toward self-destruction. Not so bad when you were in sadist mode, but less than ideal once you developed a conscience. Luckily for you, the proportion of healthy, well-balanced people who simply have an appetite for the deliciously sexy shadows lurking in your soul’s nooks and crannies is about to rise. To make room for them, ditch the folks you’re not good for, because being not good for someone isn’t good for you.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Stop procrastinating. Just sit your ass down and get to work (I know you Sags only shirk tedious desk duties, not vigorous physical labor). You can’t put off your dreaded chore any longer; if you try, your window of opportunity or success will close, maybe forever. Don’t waste another second. Your friends and I would do it for you if we could, just to get it over with, but that’s not possible. Just do it! I can’t wait for you to get out from under this ton of apprehension, especially because in retrospect, your task will only weigh an ounce.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Your fillings won’t pick up alien radio transmissions; your brain isn’t apt to start channeling the wisdom of ancestral shamans. For all your much lauded and criticized pragmatism, it simply can’t be denied: Your sign is the most firmly rooted in the here and now. As the world’s Most Present People, you have responsibilitiesand leading by example is only one. This week, listen to the kooks who are transmitting the wisdom of long-dead witches or galactic neighbors. Most of it’ll be hackneyed tripe, but there might be a miniscule percentage that’s actually authentic (and sublimely useful)and only you can tell the good from the bad. Please do so; we need every grain of outside perspective and guidance we can get.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You’re immune to imposition by other minds, whether in the form of overt possession, chemical-induced brainwashing, or charismatic cult-speak. That special invulnerability cuts both ways, though, by making you impervious to some really good ideas or mental technology. That’s why, like every hypercapable superhero, you need a good sidekick you can trust, who’ll let you know when you’re overlooking something important or worthwhile you’d be better off absorbing. You’d be surprised at how many kernels of useful wisdom are buried within otherwise cornball ideas and philosophies. With your new ally’s aid, you should be able to notice, extract, and use them.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Big surprise: The way Pisces interact with each other is complicatedjust like everything else related to your sign. You understand each other with a psychic empathy that amazes bystanders, but you can also be so different, you’re like separate species. That’s strikingly dissimilar to those other signs that share tribal kinships, like Leos or Virgos; they’re more alike than different in almost every case. However, there are timeslike this weekwhen your Fish-to-Fish alliances can transcend all your quirky idiosyncrasies and you can get on the same page on every level. While in that state of eerie and unstoppable unity, nothing’s beyond your grasp. Since it never lasts long, plan on what you’d like to achieve now, so when that astrological communion strikes, you’ll be able to grab it.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Worms contaminated by radioactivity near Chernobyl have switched from asexual to sexual reproduction. Instead of simply cloning themselves, they’re combining genes from two parents to produce a child who shares the best qualities of both, enabling the species to eliminate damaged genes and produce more worms with built-in radiation protection. Emulate them, mentally: An interesting new idea you’ll encounter (and be inclined to adopt) this week will be only so-so as is. But if you combine it with a robust (if slightly tired) concept you’ve cherished for ages, it could be the key to the most exciting, inspiring path you’ll walk this year.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Art, even pop art, should reflect life. Unfortunately, too much of current art, from X-Men movies to Harry Potter novels, is frustratingly consequence- free. Important characters never die (or stay dead), nor suffer for long. As you know all too well, real life is rife with misery and final endings. That’s not about to change, so we can choose to ignore it as long as possible or understand it as soon as possible. Since living fully and deeply (one of your principle goals) is impossible when you’re shying away from certain ideas and realities, use art to help you confront them: When deciding which stories and worlds to immerse yourself in this week, make sure they relate directly to your life, not just provide an escape from it.
