Aries (March 21–April 19)

When you’re asked to a BYOB party, every good Ram knows you bring as much as you want to drink, plus a bit extra. It’s just good form. If even those as supposedly selfish and insensitive as your tribe is reputed to be (I, for one, don’t believe it for a second) can keep basic courtesies in mind, it should be a snap for everyone else. Unfortunately, it’s not. Some are unaccustomed to really pulling their own weight, whether it comes to work or play. Your first instinct might be to pick up the slack, but please don’t. There’s a lesson to be learned here, and it’s not your call to keep them from it.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

I love books. I can be half-starved, counting change to buy dinner, but if I can get a book I want for the same price, I’ll go without food. I’m not one of those people who lets books sit on a shelf for years without reading them, either. They get tossed into bags, carried everywhere, and read on trains, toilets, queues, and bar stools, and end up dog-eared and loved. What do you love more than food? What will you sacrifice to have it in your life? Please tell me there’s something you’re that passionate about (write caeriel@yahoo.com). If there isn’t, spend this week figuring out why that is.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

You’re fantastic in many ways—just possibly not in exactly the ways you wish you were. Examine that. Are you not trying hard enough, or not giving it enough time and energy? Could it be that this simply isn’t your thing? I won’t counsel you to ever give up on your dreams. But may I suggest that you take a break from this one, which may not come to fruition for a long time (if ever)? Give yourself a chance to shine right now. Do what you’re good at for a little while. Then go back to your aspirations, if you still want to.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Sometimes your life is about doing the least objectionable thing on your to-do list. Instead of assessing your agenda in terms of your actual priorities, you’re all about avoidance, procrastination, and simply not facing up to the really hard or challenging shit you don’t want to do. Hey, I’m not condemning you; I’m a big-time lazy-ass procrastinator, too. But sometimes you’ve just got to grit your teeth and make it all happen, whether it fits your mood or not. This, my dear, is one of those weeks. Reorganize your head and look at the tasks ahead of you in terms of what’s most important, not least unpleasant.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

Leos love to lounge. Although you’re capable of summoning forth tremendous energy (enough to outshine virtually anyone else), unless you’re properly motivated, you’re world-class slackers. What, then, is your motivation? It could be anything—a desire to create beauty, have fun, or simply relieve your boredom—because eventually even your devoted friends will tire of entertaining you. This week, you’ve got to face facts: Even though you’ve surrounded yourself with hilarious pranksters, movers, and shakers, there comes a time when it’s up to you, and only you, to make shit happen. This, darling, is that time.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

You’ve been working incredibly hard for quite some time now, but I have to ask: Is it really getting you somewhere? Because sometimes Virgos can get so caught up in the activity itself that they don’t examine the results. It could turn out that you’ve been swimming furiously round and round inside a fishbowl. You’re exhausted when you finally discover you haven’t actually gone anywhere. Stop. Take a breath. Float. See where you actually are, in more detail than the usual blur you surround yourself with. Is it where you were headed? No? Better or worse than what you expected? Once you’ve assessed your progress, then (and only then) can you get yourself really (back) on track.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Some of my crazier friends have gotten so drunk or high that they’ve become lost in familiar environments. They were so out of their minds that they noticed completely different things than they did when they were sober. Because they were surrounded by landmarks and details that they’d honestly never seen before, they couldn’t figure out where they were. I don’t particularly recommend getting that fucked up, but if you could so drastically and dramatically change the lenses and filters through which you view the world, that would not be a bad thing at all.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Reality is subject to our thoughts. Quantum physicists are discovering that when you get right down to it, reality is made up of nothing. The only reason it seems so solid to us is because we view it that way. The truth is that we have tremendous influence over it simply with the power of our intentions and perceptions. Scorpios should be amazingly good at this, except for the fact that you’re constantly second-guessing yourselves. Give the universe a mixed message and what do you get back? A mess. If you could, though, just once, truly make up your mind about what you really wanted . . . well, anything could happen.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

This is a week of unsolvable problems. These are the kinds of dilemmas whose solutions represent more trouble than they’re worth. I’m talking about when your neighbors start using power tools at inconvenient hours. There’s nothing you can really do about it, and trying will only earn you their animosity and, possibly, more hassle and annoyance. Your primary option this week is to just grin and bear it and wait it out, and resist trying to do anything about it, because you can’t. If that’s too much for you to accept, consider this: There are, of course, always answers to your problems. They just might not be answers you like.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Capricorns are familiar with the idea “if you can’t fix it, get used to it.” When something you don’t like crosses your path, you now habitually do a quick triage: Can I change it? Avoid it? Or must I get used to it? This is a pretty healthy habit, actually, as it’s this kind of realism and self-appraisal that helps you guys be so efficient and effective. But there are those in your life who have perhaps never looked at anything in such stark, unyielding terms, let alone at themselves. They dither and wring their hands and worry at problems because they can’t accept their harsh reality, or don’t know how. Your job this week is to help them out. This might require a bit of tough love or saying shit they just don’t want to hear, which won’t make you popular. Nevertheless, you’re the right person for the job.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Aquarians are actually quite judgmental. Like your opposing sign, Leo, you never lack for an opinion on anything. Where you differ is in your flexibility. Not that those proud Lions can’t change their minds; it’s just that they can’t do so with the grace and ease that characterizes your entire attitude. You’re always ready to give someone a second chance, and often a third or fourth one, too. That someone will need it this week, when it would be in your best interest to rethink your first impressions, as well as your second, third, and fourth. If you can get over yourself long enough to figure out who they actually are, you’ll be glad you did.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

Everything unraveled for me yesterday. Three long-standing plans I supposed were solid and nearly set in stone revealed themselves to be, one right after the other, completely untenable. Suddenly I had to rethink a whole host of things I’d put behind me as taken care of. Now I know what a Pisces’ daily life feels like, when everything is perpetually up in the air. How overwhelming! Luckily, I’m not the only one trying on someone else’s role this week—you can finally take a break from so much uncertainty as one sure thing after another unfolds in front of you. Don’t just enjoy all this stability and certitude, though. Run with it.