Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Don’t phone it in this week, no matter how tempted or lazy you are. Form letters, even well-crafted ones, can hardly accomplish your aims. I mean, who are you kidding? That kind of thing will just work against you. You probably feel as if you deserve some pampering during the tail end of your birthday season, and you dobut you can’t have it, yet; I recommend postponing it for two more weeks. Right now, you have to put in some overtime, especially when it comes to your friends. They need you 110 percent, so give it to them. In return, they’ll pick up the slack when you drop half your workload to chill out next month.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Three strikes and you’re out. You’re allowed two mistakes. However, your ambitions are so lofty that you’ll probably need that leeway. It’s virtually impossible to make a hole in one your first time at the tee. But you’d better gear yourself up for a steep learning curveyou’ll need to show remarkable improvement if you want to hit the target by your third try. I think you can do it, but if you have any doubts at all, don’t bother. You’ll just screw it up and, in the process, nix the opportunity for a go at the same goal this summer, when you’ll have more time and practice to make things work.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Crabs are notoriously cautious, in general, but your ballsiest moments can shock even those habitually risk-taking Scorpios, like when you bet your entire fortune on one roll of the dice. You usually quit while you’re ahead, but every once in a while, you think it’s worth gambling everything. This is one of those weeks when the stakes are naturally high. Are you up for it? Think carefullyeither you’ve got to be willing to put it all on the line, in hopes of winning big, or you’ve got to stay out of the game entirely.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Discretion is the better part of valor. No one’s questioning your courage or strength, but your ability to pick your battles is sometimes a bit lacking. Throwing yourself wholeheartedly into every conflict that comes your way means you win the vast majority of them. But since a couple clashes you’ll encounter this week are unwinnable, at least for now, your ability to identify them and stay uninvolved is key. That doesn’t mean you need to retreat from the “battlefield” with your tail between your legs. Just lie down in the tall grass and wait. Your chance to strike will come, and when it does, you’ll be ready.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You might be surprised by how many of your friends and acquaintances rank you in their private lists of Top Five Favorite People. Yes, for some, it’s because you’ve made yourself eminently useful, even indispensable. But for others, it’s because you inspire and amaze them without even trying. Since you surround yourself with a minimum of flash and posing, your accomplishments seem even more impressive, once people actually notice them. Still, there’s some leeway there. Move yourself up a rung or two on everyone’s list by discreetly calling attention to your latest proud achievement. RememberI said discreetly; you want people to notice your success, not your showboating.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Librans are the least likely sign to engage in even semidestructive pranks, even during your rebellious teen years. It would take a significant amount of peer pressure to convince you to toilet paper somebody’s house, hurl eggs at cars, or leave a flaming bag of shit on someone’s doorstep. You’re just too good at putting yourself in others’ shoes. However, I urge you to squash your overzealous empathythis time, someone really has it coming. We’re not talking about crushing someone’s dreams, just pinching off a little bit of overblown ego. Yes, it’s juvenile and, in the long run, probably unproductive. But it’s so much fun. Don’t take my word for it, though. Go find out.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You Scorps are at your best when you’re somewhat indirect. You excel at subtlety and manipulation (especially when you’ve evolved to the point of using them to help others, not just improve your own position). But sometimes, like this week, you’ve got to abandon your chief M.O. and accomplish your aims in the most direct, up-front way possible. No hidden agendas or invisible strings, no devious tricks or clever mind-control techniques. It may feel unnaturalplease try it anyway. Just ask for precisely what you want, tell it exactly like it is, and make it so.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Dear friend: You have been selected from millions of possible candidates to participate in The Game. From the moment you put down this paper, you must understand that every aspect of your reality has been carefully crafted to teach you to be a better person. Each event will be carefully monitored. Your evolution is in your own hands, and since this is an accelerated, immersive course, please expect to be challenged at every turn. There are no wrong answers or incorrect reactions, but you will be evaluated at the end of the exercise. Unfortunately, we can’t tell you when that is. Good luck.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Capricorns despise regressing on any level. For example, once you’ve lived alone, moving in with a roommate you’re not in love with is intolerable. Having earned numerous promotions, the thought of starting at the bottom of some other ladder would be acutely painful. That’s why I’m issuing this warning: Powerful forces from above are planning to do their damnedest to knock you down a rung or three. The only way to prevent it is to cease all forward motion for the moment, quickly finish every scrap of work you can, then bow your head and hang on for all you’re worth.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Work is your panacea right now. Staying busy is the only cure you need for all your illsphysical, spiritual, and emotional. Luckily, your drive is at its peak. With motivating Mars communing with dreamy Neptune in your sign, it’s an ideal time to move miles closer to the actualization of your highest aspirations. Your advancement has its price, however. If you really want to take advantage of the astrological forces at your disposal, you need to basically become a slave to your own ambitions. Forgo every coffee break you can, and just go, go, go.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
It’s probably not as simple as this, but I couldn’t help noticing that Iraq’s oil wells got significantly more protection than its cultural treasures, like museums and libraries filled with art and manuscripts that were hundreds and thousands of years old. You’re in a similar position to that decimated nation. Please make sure you have your priorities in order. You may not currently have a say in every aspect of your immediate future. However, if it comes to deciding what you’ll protect when you’re under siege, concentrate on the defense of real treasures, like your integrity, ability to love, and powerful compassion, not your bank account.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Redeem this horoscope for one consequence-free mistake this week. You’re given astrological permission to screw up royally without sufferingonce. What a break, eh? Unfortunately, the other cosmic influences impinging on your life are determined to make errors and faux pas de rigueur. So don’t just slack off and let the shit hit the fan. Be as careful and inclined to perfectionism as you can. If you play every card exactly right, you might be able to get through the week without using this Get Out of Jail Free card. (I hear you can sell them for karmic big bucks on the astrological black market.)
