Dear Dategirl,
I’m in a very unhappy marriage. We don’t fight, but we rarely have sex, and don’t have much to talk about. We have a daughter we both adore and who is probably the only reason we haven’t already divorced. Unfortunately, despite being diligent with birth control, I just found out I’m pregnant (I said rarely, not never). I think I want to terminate this pregnancy, but I’m not positive.
Oddly, my husband is excited about the thought of another child, but agreed the decision is ultimately mine. I confided in a good friend, who instantly became furious that I was even considering termination. She told me she couldn’t be my friend if I went through with the abortion. Now she’s forwarding me ridiculous pro-life e-mails.
I’m not asking you whether or not I should have another baby; I’m wondering how I handle the collateral damage.
—Knocked Up and Not Happy
God knows I loathe me some religion, but five years in Catholic school taught me enough about the Bible to know that one of Jesus’ strong points was that he wasn’t a judgmental prick (like your friend). Prostitutes, lepers, traitors—he loved them all. Yet these Bible-thumpers have twisted this ideology to fit their small-minded, hateful agenda. Fuck your friend. You were in need of empathy and understanding and she gave you an ultimatum: Have a baby or lose her friendship. I’d say regardless of which way the uterus turns, this bitch should be history. Some people are not forever-friends, and this lady is obviously one of the temporary types. Too bad about the timing, but right now you have more important things to worry about. You have a limited window of time to figure out whether or not you’re going to terminate, and I suggest you devote your energies to that, because you’re obviously conflicted.
My live-in girlfriend and I just broke up, and neither of us can afford our apartment on our own. If we break our lease, we’re in trouble, but living together is hell. She’s already dating and it’s killing me. It’s a one-bedroom, so it’s unsuitable for a roommate situation if one of us were to move out. I’m sleeping on the sofa, but I feel like I’m going to die if I stay here much longer.
—Miss Misery
Do not pass go, just GO! Seriously—get out. Check your lease and see if you’re allowed to sublet. If it’s kosher, set the wheels in motion. If not, find a tenants group and see just how screwed you’ll be if you break the lease. If all else fails, throw yourself on the mercy of your landlord.
This is a completely untenable situation. I had to reside with an ex for a month after we split up and it almost killed me (and I almost killed him). After our first round of pathetic ex-sex, I knew we couldn’t stay there together, so we took turns sleeping elsewhere. Lucky he had already lined up a new girlfriend, so during his off weeks he went downtown and got laid. I just chastely sofa-surfed on mine. Though it was inconvenient, it was nothing compared to the hell of watching the person I was still in love with get spruced up for a date.
So go. Even if you lose some money in the process, at least you’ll still have your sanity and, hopefully, your dignity.
