Dear Uptight Seattleite,

Is it OK to enjoy unseasonably warm weather, even if it’s caused by climate change?

Lee

Dear Lee,

So long as you remember that we’re doomed, it’s fine to enjoy—in moderation—the pleasant feelings brought about by a sunny day in March.

Dear Uptight Seattleite,

One of my girlfriend’s friends used to sing in a blues band, and the experience seems to have wrecked her for life. Whenever she’s around, the conversation can’t go more than five minutes before she starts singing in a “soulful” way. At which point everyone freezes. We don’t want to encourage her, but if we don’t give her any attention, she’ll soon be belting it out like the blues mama she sees herself as. How can we politely stifle this person?

Debra

Dear Debra,

Tell this woman the parable of the man out walking with a dry mouth on a rainy day. It should have been simple enough for the man to open his mouth and receive the sky’s watery blessing, but it wasn’t raining hard enough. His open mouth was far more dried out by the air than it was moistened by the scant raindrops. Let the woman work out on her own that she’s the man in the parable and that the rain is everyone’s interest in her singing.

Dear Uptight Seattleite,

I thought the economy was in the tank, but believe it or not they’re about to build a four-story condo building with shops right next to my house. This is a violation of the scale and feeling of the neighborhood. What’s the best way to stop it?

Green Woody

Dear Woody,

Are you ready for a mind-bendingly counterintuitive idea? Letting developers have their way can sometimes be the environmentally correct thing to do. A denser city is a greener city. A good rule of thumb: If you hear that something is “mixed-use,” you should drop all opposition to it. There are probably studies showing that this term is the key to smart urban growth. Sure, it might be nice if the developers didn’t consistently lie and avoid public scrutiny, but like I said, mixed-use. People have a lot of fear about new things, and that’s why I’m striking a tone of calm reason here, when I might have been equally justified in hitting you with a little bit of righteous rage. I’m not asking for thanks, just throwing that out there.

None of this means that this kind of development is suitable for MY neighborhood. For a bunch of reasons! One, tall buildings obstruct views. Two, they create circular, toxin-trapping wind patterns that would launch spirals of pollutants into our lungs. Three, I have allergies. Four, neighborhood birds would get confused. But most of all, this kind of development would be a violation of the scale and feeling of the neighborhood.

Dear Uptight Seattleite,

Sometimes as I head to the Bainbridge ferry basking in the glow of a productive day’s work and looking forward to an evening with kith and kin, I feel a smile emerging on my face. Then I see a street person holding up a brightly colored sign with the word SMILE on it, and my smile disappears. What’s up with that?

Smilin’ Nate

Dear Nate,

It’s not what’s up, it’s what’s down: the torch. Someone tried to hand you the torch of happiness and you dropped it. Let me guess: You also don’t respond well when people tell you to cheer up or chill out. And you know what? In a way, you have a totally valid point: Only you can make you happy.

Being on a bit of a hiatus from the Uncles, I’ve had more time than usual to think about this. This hiatus has nothing to do with that silly misunderstanding about my harmonica playing; I’d been thinking for a while that we need some time away from each other. It turns out HARPMAN is also a bass player, so they’ll be fine without me. It’s actually a good thing! Even if it IS negative—and, sure, you could look at eight years of loving musical investment being farted out the tailpipe of HARPMAN’s Miata as a minus—one characteristic of negatives is their power to attract positives. My positive came about when I flew right into the burning heart of that “failure” by taking the harmonica in an entirely new and partially extramusical direction. I’m talking about my new Couples Harmonica Counseling service. “When you feel like yelling, just blow!” That’s the motto for the flyers I’m going to have printed up, so keep an eye out for them at a coffee shop near you.

Questions? Write uptight@seattleweekly.com.