BRAD JOHNSON has been a checker at QFC in Ballard for 17 years. Safe to say the man has seen his fair share of frozen entr饳, cereal boxes, Betty Page-styled hipsters, and Nordic senior citizens. Born and raised on Queen Anne and a current resident of Mill Creek, Johnson is a family man whose work ethic is pretty damn hard to beat. He spent his first 11 years working the night shift and actually really loved it because it required more energetic workstocking shelves and unloading boxes equaled burning calories while getting paid. This man knows the merits of multitasking. But his real multitasking charmand his real claim to famecomes with this fantastic Sonics and/or Emeril Lagasse homage he does while scanning your spaghetti sauce and bagging your Kraft singles. The best part is, you never know which persona you’re going to get. “Bam!” he’ll boom as he bags your barbecue sauce, emulating the Food Network’s favorite loudmouth, and then he’ll switch it up with the next customer and go for a free throw with their receipt. Although he comes off as a bit of a curmudgeon sometimesand readily admits that he doesn’t always have a bright, cheery, ear-to-ear grin on his facehe rarely breaks character, and that’s what his customers love about him. Who needs false, rote friendliness when you can get a Lagasse-like “Take it up a notch!” or a Sonics swoosh? Even though he does a hell of a job impersonating the chef, Johnson says he isn’t much for Lagasse’s culinary crafts. “I’m more of a regular- eating Northwest kind of guy,” he says. And although the majority of QFC’s clients get a real kick out of the guy (some stand in his line even when it’s longer than the others just to be a party to his routine), Johnson admits that some shoppers have mistaken his shtick for aggression and that he’s been called into the boss’ office a time or two. But he certainly doesn’t mean to come off as offensive. “I just don’t want to be a cookie-cutter checker. I’m mainly doing it just to amuse myself.” Well, Brad, you natural-born multitasker you, you’re amusing us, too.Laura Cassidy BRAD JOHNSON’S PICKS BEST SONIC: “I would have to say Ray Allen. Before he got traded, Gary was my favorite. I know he had some issues, but he brought it. He played hard every night. You don’t see that full-on effort with all the professional athletes out there. I was sorry to see him go, but when Ray came into town, it seemed like the Sonics started to play like a real team.” BEST SEATTLE TEAM: “The Mariners and the Huskies, with the Mariners slightly above the Huskies. I just love baseball, my dad raised us playing that game.” BEST THING ABOUT GOING TO SAFECO FIELD: “I just like smelling the grass. I was one of those 10,000 people in the King Dome back when the Mariners were struggling. I think the game really belongs outside, but I guess we can’t really have that here. One drop of rain, and they start bringing out the cover.” BEST PLACE FOR SOMEONE WHO’S ON THEIR FEET ALL DAY TO BUY SHOES: “Usually I buy my shoes wherever I get the best dealsas long as it’s not Wal-Mart. Don’t shop Wal-Mart!” BEST PLACE TO TAKE YOUR WIFE OUT TO DINNER: “My favorite place to eat is Gim Wah in Magnolia. My in-laws turned me on to itI really love Chinese food. The other place we like is called Wok In out in Lynnwood. We’re not real fancy people, but sometimes I take her to Anthony’s Home Port. Or we’ll get the meat lover’s skillet at Shari’s in Mill Creek. Breakfast is my favorite mealI can eat it at any time of the day.” BEST GOLF COURSE: “I don’t really have a favorite; I go all over. I do really like Kayak Point up in the Stanwood area. Seattle doesn’t really have good public golf courses, although sometimes I go to Interbay with my grandfather and get in a few holes.” BEST THING TO DO IN BALLARD WHILE YOU’RE ON YOUR LUNCH BREAK: “Most of the time I just sit out in my car. Occasionally I go down to Golden Gardens and watch the waves. My grandfather owns George Johnson Realty; he’s been a real-estate icon in Ballard for over 50 years. So I hang out there once in a while, too.” BEST SEATTLE-AREA BEACH OR LAKE: “We occasionally go down to Edmonds beach. We went there when the kids were younger. We’d go beachcombing and collect shells. Of course, you can’t swim in Puget Sound, but it’s great for beachcombing. If I swim in lake water, I get really bad headaches.” info@seattleweekly.com