Dear Dategirl,
My best friend in high school was a girl I always liked, but never made a move on because I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. But I took her to prom, and we hung out constantly. She always wanted us to get together romantically up until the end of high school, when she changed her mind because she was going away to college. Of course, this was exactly when I realized the depth of my feelings for her. I told her, and she said she felt the same, but that it was too late because she was moving.
One of the many things we had in common was sports. She got a soccer scholarship to college, but in my senior season I hurt my knee and had to stop playing baseball. She encouraged me to work on my knee and try to keep playing ball, because she knew how much it meant to me.
I blew it off for a while, but then started rehabbing and playing again just because it made me feel reconnected with her. Since I have been playing again, professional scouts want to sign me. I told her I owed it all to her, and I’m realizing that she’s the only person that’s ever really cared about me. I care about her more than myself or any other person. The only problem is that she’s 1,000 miles away.
I was wondering if you had any advice or guidance? My idiot friends all say to try to move on or get over it, but that’s not an option.
—Too Late?
High-school and college “relationships” are notorious for their fumbling, bad timing, and general cluelessness, which is probably for the best, because otherwise we’d all be babied up and divorced by 20. I still remember when Randy Eisenbud (FAKE NAME!) leaned over and kissed me during what I, until that time, had thought was a friendly outing between two friends who’d graduated from the same hellish high school. After all, he had remained steadfast in his lack of interest the entire two years I’d spent pining for him. But now, a year and a half later, he was getting all romantico just as I was finally getting over him. Sigh.
But maybe this isn’t the case with your ladyfriend. Perhaps her torch is still lit, and she uses that fond prom memory for jill-off fodder. Who knows? Certainly not I, and certainly not your idiot friends. Just nut up and tell her!
However, before you make your declaration of extreme-serious-like, you need to figure out if it’s her you adore, or if you’re just enamored with her feelings for you. For example, I recall being strung along by this crush who told me that “we” would probably happen at some point because one of the things he looked for in a woman was someone who really liked him. Ouch. Don’t be that guy.
