BEST MAYORAL CANDIDATE”May oral sex be for everyone.””Satan (compared to Sidran).””UW squirrels.”BEST SCANDAL OF THE PAST YEAR”Logo change at Seattle Weekly.””Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe.”BEST PLACE TO FLY A KITE”Near power lines.””From on top of the monolith.””Paul Schell’s front lawn.”BEST LOCAL COMPANY”Not Boeing.”BEST VIEW”My ass.””The mirror next to my bed.”BEST PLACE TO JOG”If you’re fat, indoors!”BEST BIKE PATH”Second Avenue in rush hour.”BEST PLAYGROUND”Second and Bell—oh, wait, that’s my vote for Best Crack Den.””My bedroom.”BEST PUBLIC PLACE TO PICK UP SOMEONE”Bathroom floor.”BEST PLACE TO PEOPLE-WATCH”Outside the Lusty Lady.””Inside the Lusty Lady.”BEST PLACE TO GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC”Anywhere you have a joint.””In a good book.””Near an exit.””L.A.”BEST NEIGHBORHOOD TO ADD A MONORAIL TO”Mine.””Wherever I happen to live when they get around to it.””Hell.”BEST LOCAL TV ANCHORPERSON”The one with the tits.””They have names?”BEST COMEDY CLUB”Seattle City Council.””Paul Schell’s office.””Tim Eyman’s house.”BEST MAINSTAGE THEATER”D骠 Vu.”BEST FRINGE THEATER”Bus stop outside FAO Schwarz.””King County Courthouse.”BEST MUSEUM”Paul Allen’s tribute to himself.”BEST OPEN MIKE”Mike Smith—nice guy, real open.”BEST KARAOKE”Anywhere the microphone doesn’t work.””Thursday at the Olympia Best Western during the legislative session.””Karaoke combines the people who shouldn’t drink with the people who shouldn’t sing.””Karaoke is against my religion.”BEST PLACE TO HEAR FREE MUSIC”Radio.””Napster.”BEST MARGARITAS”Jan Drago’s office.”BEST PIZZA”Not applicable in this town.”BEST HARDWARE STORE”Toys in Babeland.”BEST PLACE TO BUY SEX TOYS”King County Jail.””Ron Sim’s office.””Garage sale.”BEST PLACE TO BUY A SOFA”Why buy when there are so many free ones on the streets of Capitol Hill?”BEST VINTAGE CLOTHING STORE”I’ll take new clothes, thank you.”BEST AFFORDABLE DRY CLEANING”People dry clean in Seattle?”BEST HOTEL”I live here. How would I know this?”BEST PLACE TO GET A MASSAGE”In bed.””My upper back.””My ego.”BEST PLACE TO GET A TATTOO”King County Jail.”