Dear Uptight Seattleite,
What’s with that creepy way people on Seattle streets look at but don’t really see one another? Where I hail from (hint: It’s the real “most liberal city in America”), people make eye contact, say hello, and smile. It doesn’t matter if they’re strangers or neighbors.
In Seattle, it seems like people passing in the street give the appearance of making eye contact, but never really look at one another long enough to establish anything resembling acknowledgement or communication. They glance furtively, then avert their eyes to avoid interaction, or mime a vacant smile while staring blankly ahead. WTFU with that? It’s pathetic and offensive as hell.
Not A Zombie
Dear Not,
Gosh, with your attitude, I’m really surprised you don’t have more positive interactions! No, but seriously, I’m a bit puzzled by your question. Seattle is a very friendly city, unless by “friendly” you mean the kind of superficial friendliness common in one of the West Coast states to the south of us (hint: It’s not Oregon). Like, “Hi, what’s your name? My name’s Chad! Let’s be best friends forever! Let’s swap wives!”
That’s not us, “bro.” The Northwest is characterized by its soulful reticence. Those people who avert their eyes on the street are not disrespecting you. They are granting you space. Space under our tranquil gray skies to be yourself, to be at peace, to just be. The suppressed half-smile is the emblem of the personal air space that has been granted to you, no matter how unappreciative you may be. “You’ve got your own thing going,” says the half-smile of the Northwest, “and so do I. Proceed as you will through life’s journey. Let’s not violate the subtlety of our understanding by crassly speaking out loud.”
Dear Uptight Seattleite,
Do I have to buy organic? I was at Whole Foods the other day and organic grapes were $4.29 a pound. I want to be healthy and help the environment, but come on! That’s just robbery.
Not Easily Green
Dear Green,
Food is an intensely personal choice, and one that is at the nexus of complex issues involving science, economics, ethics, and the environment. Not everyone can always make the right choice, the conscious choice. And so you, Green, occasionally find yourself supporting irradiation and Frankenfood. No need to beat yourself up over it, it’s only planet rape.
Dear Uptight Seattleite,
I work for a dot-com with a lot of technology guys. A few of them think that it’s OK to walk around the office in their socks—or even in bare feet. I don’t want to infringe on their personal space or disrespect their rights, but yuck! One guy has feet that are really hobbitlike, and one time I saw him leave the bathroom barefoot. I feel like I’m going to throw up or catch some kind of disease. What should I do?
What Would Zola Budd Do?
Dear Zola,
Shhhh. Listen. What’s that sound? It’s a voice. A hushed voice. A special voice. It’s talking to you: “Hey, I’m here, and I’m OK. You be OK, too. Let’s be OK together.” That’s your body talking, Zola. If you can clear your mind and listen, there is a lot of wisdom your body can offer you. Lie naked on the floor, Zola, and just listen to the gentle pulse of your own body wisdom. When you become a disciple of your own body, you’ll find it to be the ideal guide in your journey through your apparent body-image issues. Only when you accept your own body will you become tolerant of other people’s bodies.
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