Ask a Mexican!

Dear Mexican,

Hey mojado: Since when do you think it’s OK to fuck up the facts of your wretched culture and concentrate on the few who have done something with their lives? For the most part, Mexicans are perverted, short, dark, little disgusting animals. You fit into that category. They shit out litters to circumvent the system to save their own asses from getting deported. They know that U.S. politicians are panderers to a people with such a “master plan” and will let them stay to shamelessly collect their illegal vote. Funny how illegal Mexicans don’t know nor give a fuck about the U.S. other than we beat the shit out of them in a war and still hold a collective grudge. Funny how they won’t assimilate and love this country. Funny how they know all the ins and outs of how to scam the system even if it means shitting out anchor babies to keep their sorry asses here. The last thing anyone needs on both sides of the fence is your stupid ass spewing your pro-immigrant La Raza drivel. You should be exiled from journalism. You should be deported, you weak little gay-ass piece of shit liberal coddler.Baja RatDear Gabacho,

The facts? I ain’t short, dark, little, weak, or gay, not that there’s wrong with any of those characteristics. Anchor babies (better known as “American citizens”) can’t save their illegal-immigrant parents from getting deported. Illegal immigrants can’t vote. Mexicans didn’t lose the Mexican-American War—don’t you know about the demographics in the American Southwest? Illegal immigrants are largely unable to get federal aid, state driver’s licenses, or even a smile from their neighbors. And if Mexicans didn’t assimilate, then why am I writing to you in English and quoting the Brothers Johnson when I suggest you get the chingado out of my face?

I recently hired a young Mexican man who was looking for work at a local hardware-store parking lot. Some cultural issues (at least I think they were cultural issues) came up. I am hoping that you can give me some guidance for negotiating and working with a young Mexican man.

This young man turned out to be very strong and agile and worked fast. However, he always came with a “cousin” whom I felt I had to pay. His cousins (three of them) were not as competent as this young man and, in my mind, didn’t want to work. I ended up paying them, which was a mistake. He later became frustrated with these cousins himself.

Time was an issue. This young man would come and start working when I was at work without previous arrangements and would fail to come or call when he had made arrangements. He had worked for painting contractors that, seemingly, were not concerned about environmental impact or the durability of the paint job. One example: He came one day when I wasn’t home and hadn’t made previous arrangements, and painted over an area that had mildew buildup. Nonetheless, he felt that he was the “professional” and didn’t want to listen to my instructions.

Do you have any recommendations?Home Depot HeroDear Gabacho,

Primeramente, your workers’ so-called primos weren’t his cousins. Blue-collar Mexicans, while frequently working alongside family members, don’t tolerate flojos in their ranks, but do call colleagues primos as a form of endearment and are always looking out for them; it could very well be the Mexican you hired was as disappointed in his primos as you.

More important: While since you’re probably hiring illegal-immigrant labor, you’re entitled to the work that you paid for. So this falls on you: Did you pay the jornalero a living wage? If so, you’re entitled to whatever work you ask for, at the time that you want. Or are you codo and paying him below-market because you’re paying under the table? Then you deserve the crap job you’re getting, exploitative lawbreaker—don’t you know it’s illegal to hire illegals?