January 16 After a booze-fueled incident at Neumos, six clubs—Neumos, King Cobra, Havana, the Saint, the War Room, and Chop Suey—ban Mad Rad from their stages.
February 27 King Cobra closes, leaving a wake of angry metalheads in its absence.
May 31 Karl Blau breaks the record for the most shows played in the Northwest in a six-month period. Or at least it feels that way.
July 26 The Capitol Hill Block Party comes and goes without anyone getting trampled.
July 28 Owl City writes Seattle a love song. Seattle tells Owl City the song is “nice.” Owl City runs home in tears. Seattle shrugs and starts going to the quarterback’s house to make out after school instead.
August 13 Terry Radjaw loses his beard in a game of basketball. No one cares.
August 28 Death Cab for Cutie announces that its song “Meet Me on the Equinox” will be the lead single on the Twilight: New Moon soundtrack; around the world, scientists document a surge in the spontaneous combustion of heads belonging to females between the ages of 13 and 17.
August 31 The Yeah Yeah Yeahs attract a bigger crowd on Bumbershoot’s Mainstage than Katy Perry does, proving that Seattle is, for now, still a cool place to live.
September 12 Michael Franti is now eligible for a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for performing at both Sasquatch and Bumbershoot, what, 2,000 times?
November 3 Pete Holmes beats Tom Carr in the City Attorney race; stoners, degenerates, and everyone who doesn’t hate fun celebrate with a fat doobie. They still don’t know why they care, just that they should.
November 30 The War Room becomes the second member of the alliance of Mad Rad–banning clubs to close its doors for good.
Sometime in 2009 The Saturday Knights break up. Seattle refuses to face the truth, and continues to bill Tilson as “Tilson of the Saturday Knights” with impunity. As if we didn’t know who Tilson was. As if Tilson didn’t have our phone number. As if Tilson wasn’t supposed to call us a week ago.
December 27 To make up the $25,000 in grant money it won’t be receiving from King County next year, the Vera Project plans to begin holding weekly bingo nights. The grand prize: Calvin Johnson’s autograph tattooed across your ass. (Just kidding.)
December 31 Sub Pop finishes the year without signing any Seattle-based bands. What, did you think this was going to be easy?