Duff McKagan’s column runs every Thursday on Reverb. He writes about what music is circulating through his space every Monday.Last Sunday, I was fortunate enough to be invited to a sort of men-only seminar, where the sole topic was . . . WOMEN! I know that readers here have borne witness to some of my many stumbles as the only male in a house full of girls. But seriously, I can use all the help I can get. This seminar was geared toward understanding the messages and perceptions that men are always trying to decipher from their female counterparts. My sensei, Benny “The Jet” Urquidez, is a six-time world-champion kickboxer, and a legend in the martial-arts and boxing community around the globe. But it’s what Benny has done out of the ring that has qualified him for this new role. Benny’s been asked countless times to speak with women’s groups–many times, groups for battered women. He is also the father of a girl, and has been married for 37 years. If you were to see Benny and his wife Sara in a grocery store or on the street somewhere, you would swear that they were a couple who had JUST fallen in love. After years of learning from the women in classes and in his house, Benny decided he’d share a few of the lessons in the form of this seminar. Some of this may seem like low-hanging fruit, but seriously, every guy should have an afternoon dedicated to thinking seriously about this stuff. It will come in handy, and perhaps avoid a “misunderstanding” or two in the future.At any rate, here are my thoughts on a few of the points Benny and the class went over:No, We Can’t Fix ItWe fellas, in a general sense, have always been taught to show little or no emotion and fear. To add to this, our dads would often have us go fix something when we got into trouble. (“Go paint the fence!” or “Go wash the car!”). I have found myself all too often in a situation with my ladies where I want to “fix” a problem when perhaps all they really want from me is to listen. We fellas, though, will put in all the work to “fix” something, only to find our women even more upset. This leads to US getting mad because of the un-appreciated work we have just put in.Yes, You’re Pretty, But You’re Also SmartToo many girls, on the other hand–and this again a generalization–have been raised to sort of just shut up and look pretty; kind of seen but not heard. I’m not sure if this stuff stemmed from the Puritan backbone of this country, or if it goes back to caveman stuff, but by the time our ladies get up and out of their parents’ house, they want to be heard. Understandable. This generalization is not meant from me to offend anyone reading this–this is just a basic and elementary overview for use in illustration here.It’s Not Supposed to Be EasyBy the time we heterosexual couples get together in our late teens or 20s, we have a LOT of cards stacked against us when it comes to communicating and understanding each other. Men want to feel appreciated and needed. Women want to feel safe and appreciated. But “safe” to a woman may not mean the same thing as it does to us dudes. Safe, for a woman, may simply mean having a man who will listen and not react when they need it. I don’t know, really. Yet. This first men’s meeting with Benny and the brave gentlemen that showed up was an illuminating and useful first step for me. Indeed, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but what are you gonna do about it now?For me, I am going through a very interesting phase with my oldest daughter, who is right at 13 years of age. I’ve been warned about this stage–you know the one–where daughters start very suddenly to depart emotionally from their fathers. I know it is just a phase, but there is indeed a profound sense of loss for me right now. As a guy, I want to “fix” the situation, but that only makes my daughter think I’m even dorkier and invariably less cool than I was yesterday. I must figure out a way to be at peace with the situation for now. I know for a fact that she means no harm and that she loves me.I hope that more men’s groups like this one my Sensei started begin to grow and flourish. A world with men who are at least making an effort to understand themselves and their women can be nothing but better, if you ask me.