• Why is Jack so serious all the time? Can’t he lighten up?
• Why, despite a diet of coconuts and constant running throughthe jungle, does Hurley never lose weight?
• Could you bring back the polar bear and smoke monster?
• Are Jack and Sawyer secretly gay for each other?
• If we really wanted to fake-crash a trans-Pacific jet liner, how could we keep the passengers from blogging and Twittering about it?
• Wasn’t The Dharma Initiative actually a band during the 1970s? (We think they played at our prom.)
• Is the penalty for each cast member’s getting a DUI to be kidnapped by the Others or (temporarily) killed on the show?
• In a battle between Sawyer’s hair and Jin’s abs, who would prevail?
• How many times does Charlie have to die before we’re done with that guy?
• Could Locke just take a Valium or something? We’d enjoy the show a lot more if he did.
• If Ben is really the most devious, cunning, and clever man on the planet, how come he can’t hook up with Kate?
• What about skin cancer? Did Jack skip dermatology in his medical textbooks?
• Given that this show is produced on Hawaii, where the world’s most potent marijuana is grown, is it so confusing because the writers are all hopelessly stoned?
• If, in Season 5, parallel plot lines were operating 30 years apart, why do we have to wait for the DVD box set on December 8 of this year? Why not release it in 1979?
• All those beaches, so few clothes, why isn’t there more sex?
• Season 6 will begin next January and supposedly conclude the series in May. What guarantee can you offer that you won’t then launch a fall-2010 spinoff starring Ben as the leader of a wacky Manhattan indie-rock band—with Charlie on bass—all living in the same apartment with a monkey (plus Cloris Leachman as their kooky landlady)?
• Why does Jack remind us of that annoying guy we used to date who always had to get up early the next morning to train for a triathlon?
• Why can’t Lost have more guest stars, like on Fantasy Island? We loved that show. And it made sense.
