Bumbershoot Index

Number of days into the festival it took SW music editor Michaelangelo Matos to figure out that his original idea of covering the festival in haiku was kind of a lame idea and that he and the music staff should just start counting stuff instead: One and a half

Number of strawberry shortcakes eaten during festival by this Index’s authors: Seven

Number of those eaten by Matos: Seven

Number of comments on Rachel Shimp’s “Come on Feel the Illinoise” T-shirt: 12

Percentage of these that consisted of middle-aged men catcalling, “Sufjan!”: 50

Number of children playing violin in a clown suit while hula-hooping on a medicine ball: One

Number of prepubescent kids juggling three machetes while standing on four skateboards, with parents calmly looking on: One

Number of lava lamps in the What’s Next beer garden: 31

Number of teens/adults who should know better indiscriminately smoking around children: Entirely too many

Volunteers with the best job: The ones shaking palm leaves during a conga processional/The ones giving the stick to piñata-busting kids (tie)

Number of New Zealand folk parodists impersonating David Bowie at the Comedy Stage on all four days: Two

Number of overexcited native New Zealanders in the audience during Bowie impersonators Flight of the Conchords’ Friday performance: One

Number of times the exasperated Conchords acknowledged her: Six

Amount of money raised for the Hurricane Katrina relief effort in drop boxes around the venue: Nearly $30,000

Approximate percentage of crowd for Skerik’s Syncopated Taint Septet’s set on the Bumberella Stage that viewed the show from the beer garden: 40

Number of times Garbage singer Shirley Manson turned away from the Mainstage crowd, offering a glimpse of the word “Shirley” embroidered on the seat of her denim short-shorts: 22

Number of male attendees of DeVotchka’s Saturday afternoon show on the Bumberella Stage who wore their shirts not on their torsos but their heads: Three

Approximate amount the bar of the nearby Mecca Cafe rang up on Friday, the first night of the festival, between 6 p.m. and 2 a.m.: $2,000

Number of baby-clothing items available from a merchandise booth bearing a screen-print of a chicken in a studded collar: One

Average length of time per song performed by the Bill Frisell Trio during its McCaw Hall set Saturday afternoon: 12 minutes

Number of documentaries about pet taxidermy screened during the 1 Reel Film Festival: One

Number of people who left, disgusted, during the pet-taxidermy doc: 12

Number of keyboards played by Michiko Swiggs during IQU’s set at EMP: Three

Of those, number that hung from Swiggs’ neck: One

Number of people in line at McCaw Hall for “Smart,” the literary/musical stage show featuring Dave Eggers, Sarah Vowell, Daniel Handler, the Transatlantic Orchestra, and Mike Doughty, at 5:35 p.m.: 26

Time show was scheduled to begin: 8 p.m.

The show might have been better titled: “Cute”

If it had been Eggers reading alone, an even better name would have been: “Cutesy”

Total amount of money during “Smart” that Handler asked the crowd to donate, en masse, to the educational nonprofit 826 Seattle, with Handler explaining that if the request was met, “Death Cab for Cutie—excuse me, I mean the Transatlantic Orchestra—will play a wicked encore, and if not, Sarah Vowell will come out and recite some poems she wrote in high school”: $10,000

Amount actually raised: Around $12,000

Cover version performed by Death Cab for Cutie—excuse me, I mean the Transatlantic Orchestra: “Hungry Like the Wolf”

Number of young teens in phat pants, fuzzy top hats, and pigtails dancing to DJ Eva with glowing, holographic toys: 10

Best freebie: Glowing, holographic toys

Number of people who still whoop for a big house-music buildup: More than you think

Most terrifying fashion statements: Boho skirts with huge belts; black tights cut off below the knee; Daisy Dukes with cowboy boots

Bands encouraging the crowd to get their smoke on: Digable Planets, the Pharcyde, Brazilian Girls

In the crowd during Digable Planets, estimated number of backpacks per 10 square feet: 3.8

Best sing-along: Brazilian Girls leading a refrain of “Pussy, pussy, pussy, marijuana.”

Price per individually wrapped brownie sold outside Seattle Center entrance, a healthy distance away from the cops: $5

Most surprising ingredient in those brownies: Dried cranberries

Time on Sunday afternoon that negligible drizzle first occurred: 2:03 p.m.

Time on Sunday afternoon that rain began in earnest: 4:23 p.m.

Number of audience members invited onto the Mainstage by Talib Kweli to break-dance: 11

By the artist’s count, number of hands raised when Common asked who in the Mainstage audience had heard his first album, Can I Borrow a Dollar?: 20

Number of times Common shifted from talking about religion to talking about an unfaithful bitch, if the lyrics of “I Used to Love H.E.R.” can be interpreted as the latter: Two

Amount of time it took Common to shift from talking about God to talking about an unfaithful bitch the first time: 24 seconds

Number of times Common shouted out “the beautiful ladies of Seattle”: Three

At Flatstock, number of posters on wall display depicting skulls or skeletons: 90

Number featuring skylines and/or architecture: 58

Number featuring birds, notably but not limited to eagles: 56

Number featuring topless women (including mermaids): 40

Number featuring devils and/or horned devil substitutes: 14

Number of toppings available at the Roasted Corn stand near the Mercer Avenue will-call entrance: 23

Of those, number featuring pepper or peppers: 10

Featuring garlic: 5

Price of one regular-sized shaved ice: $3

Actual cost of ice and flavored syrup: not that much

Amount of syrup in shaved ice: not that much

Number of times the Decemberists exhorted their audience to scream like people being swallowed by a whale: One

Number of teenage boys from Kalispell, Mont., in town strictly to see the Decemberists: Two

Cleverest Decemberists poster at Flatstock: The one wrapped as a book sleeve that was put in Austin coffeehouses in place of flyers

Best after-the-fact summary: “Yeah, Radiohead! Woo!” (random patron exiting Idiot Pilot’s EMP show)

More fun than watching Idiot Pilot on the Jumbotron: Watching terrified people on the Booster next to it

Number of Jagermeister shots necessary to fully appreciate the FULL-ON ROCK POWER of Kinski’s EMP set: None

Number that helped anyway: Two

Best sign spotted in crowd shortly before Mudhoney’s set: “NEED RIDE TO L.A.”

Most cryptic T-shirt: “Totally Bogus Olympics Loser 1”

Number of crowd surfers spotted during Mudhoney’s performance of “Touch Me I’m Sick”: Eight

Best swipe at record company, following mock disagreement about whether the next Mudhoney album will be released in February 2006 (guitarist Steve Turner) or “next week” (bassist Guy Maddison): “We can’t get a straight story from those fuckers at Sub Pop”—singer/guitarist Mark Arm

Number of adorably shaggy teenagers wearing a Mötley Crüe “Too Fast for Love” T-shirt at the Visqueen show: One

Best fellow-Seattle-band onstage taunt: “Dude, take those off. Who are you, Eddie Spaghetti?” (Visqueen’s Rachel Flotard, to a crowd member wearing sunglasses indoors)

Best onstage disappointment with a performer’s beverage: “This isn’t root beer” (Flotard)

Number of men spotted going shirtless, in homage to Iggy Pop, during the festival’s final hours: 18

Number of times Iggy exclaimed “Wooo!” during the Stooges’ 67-minute set, not counting song lyrics: 61

“Yeah!”: 28

“Hey!”: 24

“Ahhh!”: 17

“Awright!” and “Whoa!”: 11 apiece

“Huh!”: Five

Number of times Iggy left the stage and mingled with the crowd: Two

Number of times Iggy invited the crowd onto the stage to mingle with the Stooges: One

Number of songs the crowd stayed onstage for: Two

Approximate number of people onstage during those songs: 125

Of the Stooges’ two performances of “I Wanna Be Your Dog,” the one during which Iggy sounded the most like Carol Channing: The second