Barfly, the colorful, bearded, rhyme-spitting genius of a man, is the type who knows how to make a dollar out of 15 cents. He’s a resourceful sage who was recently featured alongside the likes of Amy Sedaris, a homeless man, and a convenience-store clerk in Esquire magazine, explaining what hope meant to him. He answered, “What keeps me going is a desperate fear I might miss out on something amazing if I don’t keep on truckin’. I mean, the Red Sox won a World Series. What’s next? ‘Ghost riding the whip’ in the Olympics? Free Wi-Fi in Bakersfield? Oh yeah, and 2012. I want to see if the shit really hits the fan when the Mayan calendar expires in 2012. ” As evidenced by his recipe for Spaghetto here, it’s clear that the “something amazing” he might miss out on is the endless possibility that comes with turning ramen into a dinnertime delight.

Ingredients:

1 pack ramen

2 packets ketchup

Preparation:

1. Boil the ramen for three minutes.

2. Drain the ramen noodles.

3. Serve noodles with two packets of ketchup squeezed on top.

4. Add Parmesan if you’re showing off for guests

After making this cheap, easy (and pretty disgusting) dish, an entire ramen-meets-condiment cookbook began to take shape. Got a few soy packets lying around? Make yourself some “Yucky-Soba”! Any individual creamers? Why not make it “Fettuccine Al-Ghetto”? Extra Taco Bell hot sauce in the house? “Mexi-Pho” could be on the table in just three minutes flat! No matter how repulsive, it’s reassuring to know that even when times are tight, there’s a condiment that can rescue your ramen (and taste buds) from boredom.

Are you a musician? Do you have a favorite recipe? If so, send it to apecknold@seattleweekly.com. If we like it, we might just print it.