Victory Lounge has a totally bitchin’ sign.I used to regularly hang out at the Victory Lounge when it was formerly called the Lobo Saloon. Man, the Lobo was killer. It had the WORST BATHROOM IN THE WORLD, and when I say the worst, I am, in fact, including all of the bathrooms in India. One time I saw two mailmen making out inside the Lobo! Well, they weren’t both men–one of them was a mailman; the other was a fe-mailman. But you don’t see that every day.Then one day Paul Allen bought all of the land in the neighborhood and everyone had a shit fit because they thought they’d have to start catering to the kind of people who walk their dogs at night with no fear of stepping on a used condom. And by that I mean my beloved Lobo Saloon closed, and they tried to spiff it up a bit, then reopened it as the Victory Lounge. They should’ve called it the Pyrrhic Victory Lounge, because I didn’t like it as much when it reopened. But at least they had hot dogs.At the Victory Lounge you can build your own hot dog. A basic Polish dog is $3.99, as is a Beef Dog. Hot Links are asymmetrically priced at $4.09, and a Ballpark Dog (whatever that is) sets you back a miniscule $1.69. Vegetarian options include Field Roast for $4.29 and a Smart Dog, which is also $4.09. Several toppings are available: typical hot dog ingredients like cream cheese, onions, and pickles are 39 cents, while chili, bacon, and beans are 79 cents. My main problem with the available toppings is that the menu imprecisely describes them as “sides.” It’s NOT a fucking side. A side would be something eaten on the SIDE, like French Fries, which is why they call it a FUCKING SIDE. No one, not even a morbidly obese chump, would want to eat a side of cream cheese. What are you going to do, just fucking scoop a huge gleaming pile of glossy white cream cheese up into your mouth with a fucking SPOON? Are you going to chew it,? Are you going to let it dribble down your chin? Of course you won’t do that. That would be so silly. Which is why it’s a TOPPING, because it goes on TOP. Like your mom. Luckily, despite the weak prose evident in its menu, the Victory Lounge makes a mean hot dog. I couldn’t really discern the difference between the Polish dog and the Beef dog, though it’s possible they gave me the same type of hot dog both times. They were both footlongs, dyed that particular brick red that hot dogs are sometimes stained. They’re actually pretty high-quality dogs, with a good snap to the casing. The buns were toasted on the outside and soft inside, but were otherwise standard buns. If they wanted to be fancy you’d think they would use brioche buns like Po Dog’s.The menu also sports a list of pre-made signature hot dogs. The Victory Dog ($4.59) is one such dog. This eponymous hot dog features a Polish dog with sauteed onions, bacon, cheddar cheese, and cream cheese. This is a good flavor combination, though the bacon really is overkill; but at least they give you a couple strips of bacon, and lots of lightly caramelized onions, all buried beneath a gloopy shroud of melted cheddar. You must put your own cream cheese onto your dog: it comes separately, sealed in one of those silver single-serving astronaut packets you can buy in boxes of 10,000 from Costco. I’m on the fence about this recent phenomenon of putting cream cheese on hot dogs. It gives the dog a subtle tangy nudge and adds an interesting, silky textural contrast. It’s cool, I guess. Putting cream cheese on a hot dog holds my interest about as long as when I found out that Salvador Dali designed the Chupa Chups logo. “Huh,” I said to myself, both when learning about Dali’s commercial artwork and when I ate a hot dog with cream cheese on it, “how about that.” And that, my friends, is how interesting a hot dog with cream cheese is.You can get any two hot dogs and a pitcher of PBR for $16, but this doesn’t seem to be a very good deal. After all, a plain Polish dog and a Victory Dog, for instance, would together cost $8.58, which means you’d get a pitcher for $7.42. And if you chose two plain ballpark dogs for $1.69 apiece, the price of that PBR pitcher rises to an unheard- of $12.62! Scandalous!Corn dogs are also available, but don’t bother because they don’t hand dip the corn dogs onsite. You can also get French fries and tater tots, but these are clearly frozen and reheated in a toaster oven. Also, there’s a special called “the Al Roker,” which is basically a Victory Dog with a maple bar for a bun. Normally I eschew these “Luther Burger”-type pastry/sandwich hybrids, but a hot dog on a maple bar sounds almost appealing, like an eclair filled with meat.Victory Lounge isn’t trying to make byzantine, avant-garde hotdogs like Hot Doug’s in Chicago or even like local fave Po Dog. They do, however, make a good, solid hot dog. The jukebox always seems to be playing Danzig, and the artwork for sale inside is killer. The bathroom is cleaner than ever, the staff is really accommodating, and the drink prices are reasonable. Victory Lounge is like a 27- year-old who finally moved out of his parents’ house and bought a Camaro–they’ve got their shit together just enough.Rating: 7 dogs out of 10Victory Lounge is located at 433 Eastlake Avenue East, 382-4467