This is your God now. Worship Him or face His wrath.Are you feeling like something’s missing in your life? In search of answers but don’t know where to turn? Do you find yourself trying to fill some void in your soul by engaging in meaningless sex and stealing household goods for a thrill? Well you can stop doing all of that (except for the meaningless sex and kleptomania, which is TOTALLY RAD): The Fried Chicken Dinner at Spring Hill is your Messiah now. On Monday nights Spring Hill rolls out a Very Special Meal. It’s deceptively simple: fried chicken, with sides. Yet simply calling it “fried chicken” is like calling the Mona Lisa “just a painting” or calling your mom “just a hooker.” It’s a total understatement.We got a mountainous pile of two whole fried chickens, dissected into the classic “thigh/ drumstick/ breast/ wing” configuration, plus a shitload of sides: mashed potatoes, spaetzle, cornbread with honey butter, brussel sprouts, and a salad. The chicken came to the table on a huge platter. The batter was shaggy like the hair in 1970s porn, and so crunchy it sent subsonic rumbles through my jaw when I bit it. The flesh was juicy like a British tabloid, and it was miraculously seasoned all the way through. This chicken is clearly a monument to excess, yet the sides that accompanied it were no second fiddles. The brussel sprouts were slow-cooked for so long that they dissolved on the tongue, and so sweet that you could convince a child that they were dessert–if you had a really stupid kid. The mashed potatoes were satiny and buttery and, as if they hadn’t gilded the lily enough already, were swimming in rich gravy. The herbed spaetzle came in some kind of sharp- tasting cheese sauce, and were pillowy and starchy and TOTAL OVERKILL. And just when my taste buds were becoming overwhelmed with the magnificent decadence of all of this stuff, the cucumber salad came along. Quartered slices of fresh cucumber were piled atop frisee in a vinaigrette. It was crisp and cool, a little bitter, and a bracing change of pace, which cleared the cobwebs off the tongue and reset the mouth for another round of fried and buttery stuff. The only thing I didn’t care for was the cornbread, which was studded with jalapeno bits, but that’s because I believe that the only use for cornbread is for insulation around a fried hot dog on a stick.Spring Hill’s Fried Chicken Dinner is only available on Mondays, and ONLY by reservation. They only make enough for 10 dinners, and you must call in no later than the previous Friday. It’s $80, and is for four people, though if you were a gluttonous asshole you could just go by yourself.Spring Hill is located at 4437 California Ave SW.For reservations call 206-935-1075Rating 9 messiahs out of 10