Oh, come on. Don’t try and tell us that you don’t crave artery-clogging food every now and then. In fact, we’ll go so far as to say you crave it most of the time, more often than you actually surrender to the call of the deep fryer. Don’t fret. Your friends at Voracious have created a handy-dandy Top 5 list for you to keep in mind the next time you decide your heart is sounding a little too healthy. These aren’t fast-food items like the KFC Double Down or this defibrillator magnet at Cold Stone Creamery — these are heart-stoppers you’ll find running amok on the menu of your neighborhood eatery. Feel free to jump on a treadmill (loser) as you read our Top 5 heart attacks on a plate. If this burger could talk, it would ask for some Lipitor. 5. Code Blue BurgerBlue Moon Burgers, 703 N. 34th St., 547-1907, FREMONT.This burger is absolutely, 100% delicious. We’d sacrifice a little spike in LDL cholesterol to eat one again. The Code Blue ($9.45) comes with two beef patties (that’s half a pound), three slices of hickory smoked bacon, two slices of cheese, peanut butter (the full sugar kind), sweet red onions and pickles. If it makes you feel any better, it’s grass-fed beef from Thundering Hooves in Walla Walla. As long as you eat local you’re healthy, right? The Hurricane will sweep you off your feet and place you smack dab in the E.R.4. Country BenedictThe Hurricane Cafe, 2230 Seventh Ave, 682-5858, BELLTOWN.
As disgusting as this item may sound, the Country Benedict ($10.75) with a two egg topper is quite tasty. The not-so-greasy greasy spoon staple is basically a split biscuit topped with sausage and two scrambled eggs, smothered in country sausage gravy. To add to the ridiculous factor, it’s then topped with two more eggs and served with hashbrowns. Were we hungry the rest of the day after eating this? No. Would we order it again and risk dying in our sleep? Probably. Beef fat is good for you. Beef fat is good for you. Beef fat is good…3. Danger FriesThe Swinery, 3207 California Ave. S.W., 932-4211, WEST SEATTLE.
Danger Fries ($6) isn’t just a clever name. These fresh cut potato slices are fried in beef fat and topped with a bacon cheese bechamel sauce. They’re piping hot, drenched in cow and pig, and dripping with grease. So, why aren’t you already eating them?Ever wonder what if feels like to have your heart stop? 2. Plate O’ BaconLot No. 3, 460 106th Ave. N.E., 425-440-0025, BELLEVUE.
This plate of pork ($6) consists of five strips total of Nueske’s thick-cut bacon — both roasted and candied. This might be some of the best bacon we’ve ever tasted. That doesn’t mean we’re telling you to order it. We’re not that irresponsible. But if you were to order a plate of bacon, we highly recommend ordering this. Plus, it’s cheaper during happy hour. Raising your unhealthy cholesterol levels has never been easier — or cheaper! Even the egg is worried about its cholesterol level. 1. Loaded Fry BreadCheeky Cafe, 1700 Jackson St., CENTRAL DISTRICT.As hefty as our appetites are, we’re not going to lie — this was almost too much food for us first thing in the morning. Offered only for brunch, this dish ($9) comes served with four pieces of warm fry bread, topped with chili, cheese and a fried egg. It’s really good, and totally fits in with the comfort food vibe of this new Central District joint. It’s just that … it’s a lot of food. After we worked our way through two pieces of fry bread, the egg and a few bites of chili, we had to wave the white flag of fullness. With that said, next time we go to Cheeky Cafe for brunch, we’re ordering their deep-fried french toast stuffed with pastry cream, chocolate and peanut butter. We get a kick out of feeling our hearts palpitate.